During exams I lamented over much of the junk around my house. I admit, I keep a fair amount of junk, yet I ironically value cleanliness and functionality. So as I begin my New Year's cleaning, I'd like to share some of my finds/ideas for greening junk that is around the house.
1) Salvation Army/Rescue Mission Donations
Start a bin of nice stuff that you don't want to throw away. I started my bin last year and I was angry at myself for not emptying it sooner, but I found that dropping off all of my random, lightly used clothes and other stuff were much needed and appreciated in the month of December when people need cheap, nice stuff to give others. I hate to say it, but I guess I'll blame it on my staffworker Rachel, if you don't like some of the gifts you get, take it back!!! Or if that is too much of a hassle for you like it is for me at times, just put it in the box for someone else's Christmas next year. This shouldn't matter, but you do get a nice tax-deductible for your donation. So there is no excuse NOT to get involved.
2) Recycle your denim!!
For just the shipping fee, you can get rid of all of those jeans that have holes in them that you think you'll wear, but you wouldn't dream of giving them to someone else. Keep in mind that the homeless really do need jeans, especially men's jeans, so I prefer to send my whole-ly ones. I found a place that recycles jeans and turns them into insulation for homes!!!
Fair Indigo Denim Drive
c/o Green Jeans Insulation Inc.
1109 W. Milwaukee Street
Stroughton, WI 53589
3) Broken Technology
So if you can't send your computer stuff to a donation center (like Habitat for Humanity) because it is broken, take it so a Staples store. There is a small fee (like $10). It is definately cheaper than Municipal Solid Waste Management fees and it isn't put in a landfill.
4) Books
I LOVE books, and I will NOT purge unless it is for a good cause. And purging as you all know is actually a good thing. Invisible Children, one of my favorite charities, has a book drive campaign that ends January 31, 2009. Send a book to one of the drive locations and the resell value of the books go to funding the re-establishment of schools in war-torn Uganda. When the campaign is over, you can steal send your books to the company that does the resell for other goods causes: Better World Books. I'll be honest, I've never seen books be a hit in thrift stores or in the places where books or donated (even when I worked in a non-profit U.S. school), so this operation is brilliant. If you are a book-a-holic, you can resell your own books to local bookshops and get store credit for new ones. Then give away your usual budget allotment surplus to a charity of your choice.
5) T-shirts
Do you have a t-shirt that you'd be embarressed to send to a thrift store? Cut the shirt along the seams until you have a front and a back. Cut each a few inches below the arm pits and wah-lah you have 4 cleaning cloths from one t-shirt! Forget having to use paper towels and nasty sponges for cleaning sinks, dusting furniture and windexing windows. I keep an old grocery bag in the laundry room and I wash all of the cloths when the bag fills up.
As I continue with my cleaning and organization efforts, I'll continue to post. If you have good ideas, please comment!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Who does God love?
The Poor, the poor, the poor! God loves the poor!! That is good news!! And as much as it is good news, sometimes it feels like old news. Granted, much of that is based on your physical and social location, and I'll explain a little why. Right now, I live in Durham, NC, a move I made from Asheville, a place I dearly loved and would have happily lived out my life until I was ready to be buried, but I made the move in response to God's call to be a reconciliation person. (Disclaimer: Sometimes answering that call is to stay EXACTLY where you are--just go pray about it if you're confused). I came here to learn how to love the poor and disempowered in better and more meaningful ways. In my Methodist upbringing, I heard that message a lot from the pulpit, saw it in action from hippies and the like in Asheville (Christian or not and most often not through the Church), and then in both Mainline and Evangelical churches I saw mostly rich people in church claiming God's grace. And it is weird, lately my time in Durham I've seen a lot of people who claim to love the poor (and they do), but yet have deep contempt for the rich (yet of course, that's not them--they aren't rich, they are poor and at most "middle class" or in debt--but never do they lump themselves in with the rich).
So who does Jesus love? Does he love the poor or the rich people on the pews? Over the past few years I've come to realize that He equally loves both, yet he shows more active concern over the poor more or less as an equalizer and also as a realist, knowing full well that money can distract people who have already hardened their hearts and chosen their own god.
Much of my story growing up in L-town gives me this hybrid identity: a born-and-bred white person going to a predominately multicultural school where I was the one who had to learn the art of acculturation to a certain extent; an AIG/AP kid and considered a "prep" without ever truly feeling that I belonged to the incrowd; yet when I explain where I went to school I was told that I was from "the disadvantaged parts" yet I would simultaneously rub shoulders with prominant North Carolinians and attend all the social functions of the Old South.
As the children's book I have on Barack Obama says: In a world of separation, "being both, [you can] not take sides." For a good chunk of my life, I tried to pick sides. Am I going to be the outcast or the socialite? I spent a number of years trying to be totally one or the other. It was torturous living in a world where I didn't totally fit into either category. I wouldn't say that either one is better than the other, but I can say that I'm learning that God can use and redeem both parts of me. And when I'm operating from the place of not choosing sides and letting God both use me and transform me (and of course repeat the process again), then I feel that I can obey both the parable of the talents and the parable about giving up all for the Gospel.
To me, this is part of what reconciliation means. It isn't about an outside force arbitrarily trying to give justice when they can't do it (because they represent a certain "side"), but it is about Jesus. Jesus was the epitome of what it means to experience both sides, "fully God and fully man." Jesus is able to re-establish relationship because He can't take sides, but he can arbitrate justly from both.
Yes, I've been in those churches that says God wants to make you wealthy and prosperous (and not so much in the Joel Osteen way, but just really emphasize that Scripture is talking about spiritual conditions and not physical) and I've also been to the ones who encourage you to give all to the poor. I find that in both extremes, people lose parts of the Gospel--Jesus LOVES lost, messed up, screwy, hypocritical and screwed over people. He doesn't pick sides. He does some radical things. Extremely radical things for the poor, disempowered, ethnic and gender issues, etc. But he also didn't turn away Nicodememus the Pharisee or the Rich young ruler. He lauded the man who had many talents and multiplied them and punished the man who had little and didn't squander it but rather saved it--a 100% return investment.
I'm not saying that I know how God works, because as much as I love Him and as much as I come to know how amazing God is, the more I have to admit that I don't understand. We must be careful in how we love and attempt to love people--and who we say that Jesus loves. For if you are like me, saying that God hates the rich means hating people like me. Seriously, are you going to hate on Bono for using his celebrity to draw attention to Africa and AIDS? Are you going to hate on his Product Red campaign which uses capitalisim and consumerism to save lives? Are you going to hate the three American cowboys who on a whim went to Uganda and started the Invisible Children project, using their privilege to truly change things on the ground--even helping to stop a war that lasted for decades?
Reconciliation (to me) is about what God has first done for us in Christ. Where God reaches down to us who have wronged him and yet also have nothing to repay their debt, and all of it is taken care of (painfully so) through Christ's incarnation, death and resurrection. That Christ did not see equality with God something to be held on to or merely thrown away, but to bring restoration. For us to mimic this is not only to recieve this grace, but for us to equally love those Christ died for (which Romans says for is the ungodly)...and uh, yeah, last time I checked that would be all of us.
**Disclaimer: This does not mean go and make lots of money. It means that money can actually translate into change. I believe God calls us to use our material blessings well. I used to think all people who aspired to be doctors and lawyers were scum of the earth who couldn't really love God; and then I learned about how God's calling is purposeful, and it is simply our human designation of salaries that causes discrepencies in professional wealth (ie. think teachers). Yet that doesn't mean that someone couldn't equally serve God all day in their work environment and then give a large portion of that away through tithing. Even when I lived on a teacher's salary, I found that I had (as a single person) waaaaayyy more than I needed to live on and could lavishly give when anyone had a need. I could have chosen to buy a new car instead, or upgrade other parts of my material life, but through growing me in contentment, God helped me to give and to give cheerfully. I then taught at a non-profit boarding school where all of my living expenses were met on a very very low salary (below minimum wage), yet I did just fine. I didn't have as much freedom to give, but I experienced life on the recieving end and I never had a need.
So who does Jesus love? Does he love the poor or the rich people on the pews? Over the past few years I've come to realize that He equally loves both, yet he shows more active concern over the poor more or less as an equalizer and also as a realist, knowing full well that money can distract people who have already hardened their hearts and chosen their own god.
Much of my story growing up in L-town gives me this hybrid identity: a born-and-bred white person going to a predominately multicultural school where I was the one who had to learn the art of acculturation to a certain extent; an AIG/AP kid and considered a "prep" without ever truly feeling that I belonged to the incrowd; yet when I explain where I went to school I was told that I was from "the disadvantaged parts" yet I would simultaneously rub shoulders with prominant North Carolinians and attend all the social functions of the Old South.
As the children's book I have on Barack Obama says: In a world of separation, "being both, [you can] not take sides." For a good chunk of my life, I tried to pick sides. Am I going to be the outcast or the socialite? I spent a number of years trying to be totally one or the other. It was torturous living in a world where I didn't totally fit into either category. I wouldn't say that either one is better than the other, but I can say that I'm learning that God can use and redeem both parts of me. And when I'm operating from the place of not choosing sides and letting God both use me and transform me (and of course repeat the process again), then I feel that I can obey both the parable of the talents and the parable about giving up all for the Gospel.
To me, this is part of what reconciliation means. It isn't about an outside force arbitrarily trying to give justice when they can't do it (because they represent a certain "side"), but it is about Jesus. Jesus was the epitome of what it means to experience both sides, "fully God and fully man." Jesus is able to re-establish relationship because He can't take sides, but he can arbitrate justly from both.
Yes, I've been in those churches that says God wants to make you wealthy and prosperous (and not so much in the Joel Osteen way, but just really emphasize that Scripture is talking about spiritual conditions and not physical) and I've also been to the ones who encourage you to give all to the poor. I find that in both extremes, people lose parts of the Gospel--Jesus LOVES lost, messed up, screwy, hypocritical and screwed over people. He doesn't pick sides. He does some radical things. Extremely radical things for the poor, disempowered, ethnic and gender issues, etc. But he also didn't turn away Nicodememus the Pharisee or the Rich young ruler. He lauded the man who had many talents and multiplied them and punished the man who had little and didn't squander it but rather saved it--a 100% return investment.
I'm not saying that I know how God works, because as much as I love Him and as much as I come to know how amazing God is, the more I have to admit that I don't understand. We must be careful in how we love and attempt to love people--and who we say that Jesus loves. For if you are like me, saying that God hates the rich means hating people like me. Seriously, are you going to hate on Bono for using his celebrity to draw attention to Africa and AIDS? Are you going to hate on his Product Red campaign which uses capitalisim and consumerism to save lives? Are you going to hate the three American cowboys who on a whim went to Uganda and started the Invisible Children project, using their privilege to truly change things on the ground--even helping to stop a war that lasted for decades?
Reconciliation (to me) is about what God has first done for us in Christ. Where God reaches down to us who have wronged him and yet also have nothing to repay their debt, and all of it is taken care of (painfully so) through Christ's incarnation, death and resurrection. That Christ did not see equality with God something to be held on to or merely thrown away, but to bring restoration. For us to mimic this is not only to recieve this grace, but for us to equally love those Christ died for (which Romans says for is the ungodly)...and uh, yeah, last time I checked that would be all of us.
**Disclaimer: This does not mean go and make lots of money. It means that money can actually translate into change. I believe God calls us to use our material blessings well. I used to think all people who aspired to be doctors and lawyers were scum of the earth who couldn't really love God; and then I learned about how God's calling is purposeful, and it is simply our human designation of salaries that causes discrepencies in professional wealth (ie. think teachers). Yet that doesn't mean that someone couldn't equally serve God all day in their work environment and then give a large portion of that away through tithing. Even when I lived on a teacher's salary, I found that I had (as a single person) waaaaayyy more than I needed to live on and could lavishly give when anyone had a need. I could have chosen to buy a new car instead, or upgrade other parts of my material life, but through growing me in contentment, God helped me to give and to give cheerfully. I then taught at a non-profit boarding school where all of my living expenses were met on a very very low salary (below minimum wage), yet I did just fine. I didn't have as much freedom to give, but I experienced life on the recieving end and I never had a need.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Lord of the Flies
So yes, it is Christmas Eve and I'm posting on Lord of the Flies--how unappropriate you may say (and so I thought too). I finished this classic late last night, not being able to stop reading. I'm unsure whether I kept going because it was suspenseful or whether I really wanted to be done with all of the gory details.
I used to like disgusting murder books like the Fear Street series when I was younger, but I wanted to chuck this book across the room many times, furious that it is read by 9th graders everywhere. We live in a culture that is much too violent. Having been a teacher for a year (it feels like a LOT longer though) and having spent a lot of time with children and wanting to continue to do so, I find myself making a lot of choices about my parenting style and reflecting on the style of my parents. Although they could be true duds at times, I look back and want to say "thank you" for the rate at which they sheltered us from television, video games, etc. Of course that didn't last long, but I've found that it has had a lasting effect on me as I want to purge my insides when I spend time with children who spend all of their time that way--especially when they are in Christian homes--nothing frustrates me more than that.
My gut tells me to shelter my kids from gore, war, myopia, apathy, etc. I think that is genuinely one side of the coin when it comes to good parenting--good sheltering. But then as I read through Lord of the Flies, and especially as a much older person, I found so much truth in it. That the true beast, the true savage is the one that lives within us and around us in others. And yes, this is very Gospel, just go hang out with Augustine. So as a parent, I'm also obligated to show the other side of the coin--the ugliness of our true nature. This book can have a positive impression and is very teachable, and I would say don't just let a developing child (by age or mental age) just pick up this book without help navigating it.
The controversy doesn't really end there for me though. At what point is a kid ready to know those hard truths of the Gospel? That this world and even our very selves are destroyed and destructive beyond imagination? I'll be honest, I have no idea. But I can also say that for me, I lived a life that was pretty screwed up to begin with, so it wasn't too much of a shock. But the real shock was seeing the imperfection of perceived good people. When you realize that adults aren't always going to act like adults. But this is one reason why I'm really drawn to those with screwy lives, that can get this end of the Gospel. The hard part is teaching them to hope and dream.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Reactionism and Church History
I was reading a book, Singles at the Crossroads by Al Hsu, and he proposed the idea that when looking at singleness, reactionism has played a huge role in the Church's theology of singleness, marriage and family. And since I've recently finished (and passed) my Church History class, it was quite interesting to follow Hsu's understanding of Church history. He argues that early Christians reacted against the OT belief that family equated with social salvation. Jesus put singleness and marriage on the same plane. Yet in their reactionism to the Jewish standard, and much much more so the Gnostics, the early church supported celibacy. When celibacy failed, during the Reformation, the Protestant Churches started a new norm in reaction to celibacy that was so pro-family that eventually (as we see now) that marriage is seen as a more worthy choice.
I'm totally concerned by this! How much of our Christianity and our theology is a reaction to the secular or the culture? Granted, I am usually one to say yes, Jesus is seen through culture, but I think there is also a limit to that as well, where we begin to create our own version of Christianity. Think! Yes, we do need to be react when the Reverend Birdsong types show up at college campus' and tell of a distorted Gospel. But at what point does our reaction also become a new Gospel? Or becoming a new distorted Gospel because it is reaction. At what point (and how) do we turn and move the Gospel back to center? Be assured that I myself have a lot to do as well as I realize how much I have internalized the A-good-Chrisitian-is-a-good-family-oriented-person over the busting-open-kingdom-doors-as-a Single person.
It's so complicated that that admission of my internalization is all I can comment on at the moment. The rest is too overwhelming.
I'm totally concerned by this! How much of our Christianity and our theology is a reaction to the secular or the culture? Granted, I am usually one to say yes, Jesus is seen through culture, but I think there is also a limit to that as well, where we begin to create our own version of Christianity. Think! Yes, we do need to be react when the Reverend Birdsong types show up at college campus' and tell of a distorted Gospel. But at what point does our reaction also become a new Gospel? Or becoming a new distorted Gospel because it is reaction. At what point (and how) do we turn and move the Gospel back to center? Be assured that I myself have a lot to do as well as I realize how much I have internalized the A-good-Chrisitian-is-a-good-family-oriented-person over the busting-open-kingdom-doors-as-a Single person.
It's so complicated that that admission of my internalization is all I can comment on at the moment. The rest is too overwhelming.
Reactionism
Reactionism. It has been on my mind lately. It came back as I turned on the news to find that the latest headline is "outrage" over Rick Warren being chosen by Obama to open the Inauguration with prayer.
The outrage being televised is that liberals are upset that Obama, who claims to be an advocate for gays and lesbians (yet who also ironically when asked, supports one-man-one-woman marriage and Biden outrightly says he's against gay marriage), would choose Obama an evangelical conservative who is pro-life, pro-hetero marriage.
However, I am equally certain that certain evangelicals are now convinced that now Rick Warren is a sellout to politicians and Jesus will come back even sooner. For them, it would be a different type of outrage.
So at what point does reactionism come full circle? Liberals ask for equality for all, and then have issues with a choice who Obama claims is part of his choices for diversity that represents the country for the Inauguration. And then conservative evangelicals cry out for evangelical involvement in the mainstream, especially politics, but not for the "wrong politician."
And from this article, an Episcopalian bishop in D.C.(?) claims that Warren is not a representative of the true loving God. I think that Obama and Warren would both agree with me that it is more about reconciliation. And that my dear brothers and sisters is also part of the story of our loving God, that we come together even while messed up and not on the same page...it's about disagreeing without being disagreeable--the same concept that many of us voted on Obama for.
The outrage being televised is that liberals are upset that Obama, who claims to be an advocate for gays and lesbians (yet who also ironically when asked, supports one-man-one-woman marriage and Biden outrightly says he's against gay marriage), would choose Obama an evangelical conservative who is pro-life, pro-hetero marriage.
However, I am equally certain that certain evangelicals are now convinced that now Rick Warren is a sellout to politicians and Jesus will come back even sooner. For them, it would be a different type of outrage.
So at what point does reactionism come full circle? Liberals ask for equality for all, and then have issues with a choice who Obama claims is part of his choices for diversity that represents the country for the Inauguration. And then conservative evangelicals cry out for evangelical involvement in the mainstream, especially politics, but not for the "wrong politician."
And from this article, an Episcopalian bishop in D.C.(?) claims that Warren is not a representative of the true loving God. I think that Obama and Warren would both agree with me that it is more about reconciliation. And that my dear brothers and sisters is also part of the story of our loving God, that we come together even while messed up and not on the same page...it's about disagreeing without being disagreeable--the same concept that many of us voted on Obama for.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Evolution and Africa
So as of late I have picked up a book on Africa in preparation for my trip this summer to Uganda. Yes, for those of you who do not know, I'm going to Uganda and Rwanda for 2 weeks on a pilgrimmage with Duke Divinity School--it should be absolutely amazing and a true answer to prayer. But as I'm reading the book, I'm stumbling over (and groaning over) the many references to Evolution.
Forgive that I come off as a complete fundamentalist in my struggles over this issue, but I just don't believe in it. I can't believe that humans derived from monkeys--I see the resemblance, but I trust the Genesis account. Now granted I find certain aspects of evolutionary biology and anthropology extremely boring subject matter, I don't believe that it should be totally chucked out--especially for those in those areas of study. But I'm just at a loss for how to respond in my annoyance. Annoyance at the pervasiveness of evolution in the current book I'm reading and in the culture, but also at my lack of clarity and ability to communicate what I think/believe is false or true about it, since I definately do not believe in chucking all of science due to a few Scriptural problems with it. I'm annoyed that it makes me want to skip large chunks of the book I'm reading because I find it so at odds with my beliefs that it seems like silliness to me...and also somewhat mystical--like reading a gnostic text or watching Joel Osteen on tv.
How do I go to a land that for so long has experienced oppression by my own people (because of both the Bible and Darwin), and then not believe in such a pro-African anthropology such as the culture hearths? I'm having such trouble reconciling.
But here is something I find helpful in the midst of my struggle that I found in a book by Thomas E. Schmidt in Straight and Narrow?: Compassion and Clarity in the Homosexuality Debate (yes, I know, that is a can of worms on its own). But he says he believes in "the primacy and finality of the Bible's authority for faith and practice" meaning "that Scripture is the first place to look and the last place of appeal for guidance...Human experience, human traditions, and human reason...[are] a few examples of positive input [for authority] and are essential participants in a conversation intended to apply Scripture to our lives. To say that they have no place, that the Bible speaks alone, is simplistic and perhaps deceptive--there is always some interpretation going on."
I like that Scmidt argues that we cannot be ideologues. In the particular quandary that he studies (homosexuality), he argues that there is a complex theological case against it. I also like that my professor, Ellen Davis, argues that the issue is too messy and will not truly be resolved by the Church in our lifetimes. So I can take comfort and do some sort of settling in the ambiguity, and hopefully reading and responding with love when it comes to these hot button issues that truly are complex, where Scripture and Experience seem to collide.
Forgive that I come off as a complete fundamentalist in my struggles over this issue, but I just don't believe in it. I can't believe that humans derived from monkeys--I see the resemblance, but I trust the Genesis account. Now granted I find certain aspects of evolutionary biology and anthropology extremely boring subject matter, I don't believe that it should be totally chucked out--especially for those in those areas of study. But I'm just at a loss for how to respond in my annoyance. Annoyance at the pervasiveness of evolution in the current book I'm reading and in the culture, but also at my lack of clarity and ability to communicate what I think/believe is false or true about it, since I definately do not believe in chucking all of science due to a few Scriptural problems with it. I'm annoyed that it makes me want to skip large chunks of the book I'm reading because I find it so at odds with my beliefs that it seems like silliness to me...and also somewhat mystical--like reading a gnostic text or watching Joel Osteen on tv.
How do I go to a land that for so long has experienced oppression by my own people (because of both the Bible and Darwin), and then not believe in such a pro-African anthropology such as the culture hearths? I'm having such trouble reconciling.
But here is something I find helpful in the midst of my struggle that I found in a book by Thomas E. Schmidt in Straight and Narrow?: Compassion and Clarity in the Homosexuality Debate (yes, I know, that is a can of worms on its own). But he says he believes in "the primacy and finality of the Bible's authority for faith and practice" meaning "that Scripture is the first place to look and the last place of appeal for guidance...Human experience, human traditions, and human reason...[are] a few examples of positive input [for authority] and are essential participants in a conversation intended to apply Scripture to our lives. To say that they have no place, that the Bible speaks alone, is simplistic and perhaps deceptive--there is always some interpretation going on."
I like that Scmidt argues that we cannot be ideologues. In the particular quandary that he studies (homosexuality), he argues that there is a complex theological case against it. I also like that my professor, Ellen Davis, argues that the issue is too messy and will not truly be resolved by the Church in our lifetimes. So I can take comfort and do some sort of settling in the ambiguity, and hopefully reading and responding with love when it comes to these hot button issues that truly are complex, where Scripture and Experience seem to collide.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
A Track Before the Technology of the Train for the Terrain
I watched one of my classic, go-to-feel-new movies: Under the Tuscan Sun. Perhaps it was the beauty of Tuscan Italy, the meszmerizing Diane Lane, and the suave Italianos which had for all of these years distracted me from the actual storyline of the movie, which is a work in its own right.
A divorcee, a fixer-upper, a risk...a story that has met me in both romance and heartbreak. But today it struck a new chord in me. Francis was given the beautiful advice in the midst of her sadness to press on in hope and faith when her world was shattering, when she thought that moving on with her life in bold ways could be a mistake. A friend told her, "You know, in the Alps, they built a railroad track that was greatly needed long before a train was invented that could withstand the arduous journey. It isn't until the end of the movie, that all of Francis' wishes come true, just in a different way, as she realizes her prayers (though to random Catholic saints) were not in vain.
I feel that my life lately has been a lot of track building, on tough terrain well-before a train would meet the trestle. The past year or so has found me picking up my bags and moving to an obscure and at first unwelcome portion of the state, a sudden career change with school training at the place I had always dreamed of attending, budgeting and saving for God knows what (I mean that), and family planning without a husband anywhere NEAR on the horizon (a result of medical choices to go with the new-found disease), and I'm sure the list could go on and on.
Building a track is tough work, and it can mostly only be built with hope. Yet I find as Francis does, that the building, trusting, hoping gives her a new name, Franchesca, and will do the same for me. Slowly I find that as life goes on that as I just keep going, just keep praying, just keep hoping, that my dreams and wishes do indeed come true, just NEVER as I have imagined them. And for that, they are the more sweet. The handiwork of God, and not by me.
A divorcee, a fixer-upper, a risk...a story that has met me in both romance and heartbreak. But today it struck a new chord in me. Francis was given the beautiful advice in the midst of her sadness to press on in hope and faith when her world was shattering, when she thought that moving on with her life in bold ways could be a mistake. A friend told her, "You know, in the Alps, they built a railroad track that was greatly needed long before a train was invented that could withstand the arduous journey. It isn't until the end of the movie, that all of Francis' wishes come true, just in a different way, as she realizes her prayers (though to random Catholic saints) were not in vain.
I feel that my life lately has been a lot of track building, on tough terrain well-before a train would meet the trestle. The past year or so has found me picking up my bags and moving to an obscure and at first unwelcome portion of the state, a sudden career change with school training at the place I had always dreamed of attending, budgeting and saving for God knows what (I mean that), and family planning without a husband anywhere NEAR on the horizon (a result of medical choices to go with the new-found disease), and I'm sure the list could go on and on.
Building a track is tough work, and it can mostly only be built with hope. Yet I find as Francis does, that the building, trusting, hoping gives her a new name, Franchesca, and will do the same for me. Slowly I find that as life goes on that as I just keep going, just keep praying, just keep hoping, that my dreams and wishes do indeed come true, just NEVER as I have imagined them. And for that, they are the more sweet. The handiwork of God, and not by me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Can My Fascination with Books Become More?
So I'm unsure how it happened, but I found myself surfing online (read procrastinating) and I decided that opening a bookstore is a dream of mine. Now I haven't really thought about this in a calling sense, but rather "I like this concept" and "I could use an on-the-side business in addition to my ministry because I'll be dirt poor." Now I will say that I have been praying that God would help me to use my gift of desiring to give money away to people and organizations in need of support. Yet God revealed to me in prayer that despite what I may think about my financial situation, I will be considered rich because I live in the U.S., I have a degree(s) and I have a savings account. So please don't take this post as Gospel.
But, I must say that I have a great hobby in suggesting books to help people in their spiritual growth. And to my own astonishment at times, Christian bookstores and even the larger secular chain stores do not do justice to the great Christian works that are available to people. Katie Potter told me that at Urbana 03 that someone responded to criticism about spiritual books by saying, "if you reject God's working in people through books, you might as well forget the Holy Spirit." I'm guessing that would attributed to the oh so awesome Greg Jao who MCed Urbana 03 as well as 06, which I attended. And how many times do you walk into a Christian bookstore and find books with massive theological error, are culturally subjective and not inclusive, encourage temptation and fantasy (Christian fiction), and leaves important aspect of God's heart in their selection of books.
I would love to be in charge of selecting beneficial and biblical books that would truly help Christians and seekers alike. Books that would provide striking and gospel answers even when maintaining a secular voice.
How cool would it be to have a downtown bookstore? A bookstore that was like the well in Scripture? A place that was like the River of the Kingdom of God that was a source of spiritual water? How cool would it be to listen to people about their needs and then lead them to a helpful source? How cool would it be to welcome all people to use the space like a library. A place for people to gather and enjoy one another's company in Christian community. This would be a really fabulous enterprise, yet it would have to start with prayer. Many sources suggest starting with an online, in-home online bookstore. Something like that would be great for me to work on as a stay at home Mom. So this is definately not something for now, yet it is something for later. I would like to think that such a business could provide for my family's more pricey needs such as college, Sabbath vacations, etc. and of course would provide a large income to give away.
But, I must say that I have a great hobby in suggesting books to help people in their spiritual growth. And to my own astonishment at times, Christian bookstores and even the larger secular chain stores do not do justice to the great Christian works that are available to people. Katie Potter told me that at Urbana 03 that someone responded to criticism about spiritual books by saying, "if you reject God's working in people through books, you might as well forget the Holy Spirit." I'm guessing that would attributed to the oh so awesome Greg Jao who MCed Urbana 03 as well as 06, which I attended. And how many times do you walk into a Christian bookstore and find books with massive theological error, are culturally subjective and not inclusive, encourage temptation and fantasy (Christian fiction), and leaves important aspect of God's heart in their selection of books.
I would love to be in charge of selecting beneficial and biblical books that would truly help Christians and seekers alike. Books that would provide striking and gospel answers even when maintaining a secular voice.
How cool would it be to have a downtown bookstore? A bookstore that was like the well in Scripture? A place that was like the River of the Kingdom of God that was a source of spiritual water? How cool would it be to listen to people about their needs and then lead them to a helpful source? How cool would it be to welcome all people to use the space like a library. A place for people to gather and enjoy one another's company in Christian community. This would be a really fabulous enterprise, yet it would have to start with prayer. Many sources suggest starting with an online, in-home online bookstore. Something like that would be great for me to work on as a stay at home Mom. So this is definately not something for now, yet it is something for later. I would like to think that such a business could provide for my family's more pricey needs such as college, Sabbath vacations, etc. and of course would provide a large income to give away.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Secular Examples About Our Relationship With God
1. Obama
I know some of you are cringing that I cannot stop talking about him. The night before he was given all of Presidential briefs on security that would probably send chills down the average person's mind, I committed myself to praying for our new President. I gave thanks to God for answering the prayers of many black people, not just those of today, but those of many generations who had prayed for equality. And I found the example of Moses coming to mind. During the time of Israel's slavery, many people had been praying for their liberation--and it seemed that God wasn't doing anything. Why would a good God sit around until He felt like intervening, letting the ones that He loves experience suffering? But rather, God had a plan. While people were praying, a child was being born. While they cried for help, a chosen child was in Pharoah's favor. While they lamented, Moses was being prepared in the land of Midian. In the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, Barack Obama was born. Regardless of what you think about his politics, for many black people, he represents answer to prayer. People prayed for change at the time wanting a right-now answer from God (and that is a justifiable plea), yet God was planning an answer for down the road. I forget so often that prayer is just like this. God operates so differenly that we'd like Him to, but he absolutely hears those prayers and organizes a response--and it may be a lifetime in coming.
2. Mercy, my cat
For the past few weeks my sweet pea has not come to sleep in my bed or even in my room! And it just drives me crazy. For so long she wanted to be where I was at all times whether that means in the shower, in the bed, and yes, even on my desk when I'm working! So I was confused when I would find her laying on the cold kitchen floor or sitting on the counch all by herself when I was waiting for her to join me in the big comfy bed. Last night, I picked her up and settled her under the covers and gave her lots of rubbings and kisses so that she'd realize that I didn't hate her. I think our relationship with God is sometimes like that. We'll all of a sudden think that God has abandoned us or doesn't want us and we move away from the place of comfort to trying to get by on our own, knowing that our true happiness (and purrful living) is when we're with the one who loves us.
3. Weezer
So this weekend my entire family and my sister's boyfriend's family came to tailgate with us here at Duke. Mom made plans to meet at a museum on campus, yet 30 minutes before time to meet, the "in-laws" found that you couldn't park in that lot. Everything was dependent on meeting in that central parking lot. So I had a very quick easy fix to the situation, yet in the time of complete undoing, my sister didn't listen to a single thing that I had to say. And in one of my not so godly moments, I hung up. How can you refuse the wisdom of someone who has the knowledge you need in your time of struggle? We do this with God ALL the time. He has all of the answers in the world to guide us, yet we refuse His help in our efforts to impose corrections on the Master or to lament or run around like chicken with its head cut off when God can mend it back together.
I know some of you are cringing that I cannot stop talking about him. The night before he was given all of Presidential briefs on security that would probably send chills down the average person's mind, I committed myself to praying for our new President. I gave thanks to God for answering the prayers of many black people, not just those of today, but those of many generations who had prayed for equality. And I found the example of Moses coming to mind. During the time of Israel's slavery, many people had been praying for their liberation--and it seemed that God wasn't doing anything. Why would a good God sit around until He felt like intervening, letting the ones that He loves experience suffering? But rather, God had a plan. While people were praying, a child was being born. While they cried for help, a chosen child was in Pharoah's favor. While they lamented, Moses was being prepared in the land of Midian. In the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, Barack Obama was born. Regardless of what you think about his politics, for many black people, he represents answer to prayer. People prayed for change at the time wanting a right-now answer from God (and that is a justifiable plea), yet God was planning an answer for down the road. I forget so often that prayer is just like this. God operates so differenly that we'd like Him to, but he absolutely hears those prayers and organizes a response--and it may be a lifetime in coming.
2. Mercy, my cat
For the past few weeks my sweet pea has not come to sleep in my bed or even in my room! And it just drives me crazy. For so long she wanted to be where I was at all times whether that means in the shower, in the bed, and yes, even on my desk when I'm working! So I was confused when I would find her laying on the cold kitchen floor or sitting on the counch all by herself when I was waiting for her to join me in the big comfy bed. Last night, I picked her up and settled her under the covers and gave her lots of rubbings and kisses so that she'd realize that I didn't hate her. I think our relationship with God is sometimes like that. We'll all of a sudden think that God has abandoned us or doesn't want us and we move away from the place of comfort to trying to get by on our own, knowing that our true happiness (and purrful living) is when we're with the one who loves us.
3. Weezer
So this weekend my entire family and my sister's boyfriend's family came to tailgate with us here at Duke. Mom made plans to meet at a museum on campus, yet 30 minutes before time to meet, the "in-laws" found that you couldn't park in that lot. Everything was dependent on meeting in that central parking lot. So I had a very quick easy fix to the situation, yet in the time of complete undoing, my sister didn't listen to a single thing that I had to say. And in one of my not so godly moments, I hung up. How can you refuse the wisdom of someone who has the knowledge you need in your time of struggle? We do this with God ALL the time. He has all of the answers in the world to guide us, yet we refuse His help in our efforts to impose corrections on the Master or to lament or run around like chicken with its head cut off when God can mend it back together.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
A New Dawn...
I realized that electing a black President would be historic, but I never realized that it very well could be life changing.
Today my black students and other students of color can say that there is no glass ceiling to them acheiving their dreams. They may face barriers, but the ceiling is gone. Today if they did not have a good example of what it means to be a black man, they have it now. They have a representation of someone who looks like them being successful. How important is this when most residence of jails and prisons are black men? How important is this when a majority of black children grow up without their biological fathers or father figures in general? How important is this when black children are tempted to not "become white" by pursuing academics by thugs when they see the White House as the home of a black family?
And then there was the change in me. I would love to say that it was conversion that made me believe in racial equality. And to an extent, the Bible solidifying my beliefs on justice and God's affirmation of racial diversity, but today as I walk around campus at Duke and pass black men, no matter their station, I think to myself..."Oh, he or she can be the next President, that he or she can do anything a white person could do." That thought is replacing the other thought that has always sat in the back of my mind which my culture has taught me, "Is that black man dangerous to me, a white woman?"
Praise God for this! This is part of what forgiveness and reconciliation means in the Bible. Our sinful ways and our negative feelings are replaced with godly and positive thoughts. Finding this change in my thoughts, I don't think I ever realized just how racist ideologies had been deeply embedded in my mind. God, will you renew and change our minds in this transition of our democracy and society. And may we never deny the evil of slavery and racism in the past and in the present just because we have chosen a black President.
Today my black students and other students of color can say that there is no glass ceiling to them acheiving their dreams. They may face barriers, but the ceiling is gone. Today if they did not have a good example of what it means to be a black man, they have it now. They have a representation of someone who looks like them being successful. How important is this when most residence of jails and prisons are black men? How important is this when a majority of black children grow up without their biological fathers or father figures in general? How important is this when black children are tempted to not "become white" by pursuing academics by thugs when they see the White House as the home of a black family?
And then there was the change in me. I would love to say that it was conversion that made me believe in racial equality. And to an extent, the Bible solidifying my beliefs on justice and God's affirmation of racial diversity, but today as I walk around campus at Duke and pass black men, no matter their station, I think to myself..."Oh, he or she can be the next President, that he or she can do anything a white person could do." That thought is replacing the other thought that has always sat in the back of my mind which my culture has taught me, "Is that black man dangerous to me, a white woman?"
Praise God for this! This is part of what forgiveness and reconciliation means in the Bible. Our sinful ways and our negative feelings are replaced with godly and positive thoughts. Finding this change in my thoughts, I don't think I ever realized just how racist ideologies had been deeply embedded in my mind. God, will you renew and change our minds in this transition of our democracy and society. And may we never deny the evil of slavery and racism in the past and in the present just because we have chosen a black President.
The American People Have Spoken
Barack Obama has been elected President of the United States! I must explain that I have supported him, yet in the past I have also voted other ways. Obama is my candidate of choice, yet he doesn't represent all of my beliefs. I am not going to use this time to explain some of those beliefs.
I was very proud of myself that I spent painstaking hours this year researching who I would vote for. While in the booth, I was proud of my choices and that my votes were an expression of my beliefs, though yet again not a full expression. But I was surprised that I did not experience the emotions of voting for a black man for President.
However, when they announced that he had won, when they put "Elected President of the United States," I was overcome with emotion and had tears flowing down my cheeks and a heart that was full of hope and happy unbelief. We just elected a black man for President. After all our nation has been through, after our greatest problems of slavery, and even when discrimination is even evident in our Constitution, our country still proclaims that our government is both dynamic and strong. I admit that this is hard for me to believe, but I am thankful that Barack has taught me to hope again. I guess you cannot believe that change can really happen, but you can hope that it does--and hope is a fundamental Biblical principal. Hope means that we pray, we remain involved, that in our heartbreak we stay with the program. I am so thankful that Barack has lit a spark in me that makes me think that just maybe I can hope again. That just maybe if we care about the things that God cares about and live by faith, hope and love then just maybe, maybe good will prevail for a time in a world of darkness.
And I must then direct my thoughts to the One who made all of this possible. Lord, thank you that you have prepared such a man as Obama who seems almost out of this world in his ability to persevere. Lord thank you that no matter what happens, you are still God and still sovereign. Thank you that this election may teach the Church that we cannot put our hope and our security in who is in power, yet we can still hope. We can still be the Church.
I was very proud of myself that I spent painstaking hours this year researching who I would vote for. While in the booth, I was proud of my choices and that my votes were an expression of my beliefs, though yet again not a full expression. But I was surprised that I did not experience the emotions of voting for a black man for President.
However, when they announced that he had won, when they put "Elected President of the United States," I was overcome with emotion and had tears flowing down my cheeks and a heart that was full of hope and happy unbelief. We just elected a black man for President. After all our nation has been through, after our greatest problems of slavery, and even when discrimination is even evident in our Constitution, our country still proclaims that our government is both dynamic and strong. I admit that this is hard for me to believe, but I am thankful that Barack has taught me to hope again. I guess you cannot believe that change can really happen, but you can hope that it does--and hope is a fundamental Biblical principal. Hope means that we pray, we remain involved, that in our heartbreak we stay with the program. I am so thankful that Barack has lit a spark in me that makes me think that just maybe I can hope again. That just maybe if we care about the things that God cares about and live by faith, hope and love then just maybe, maybe good will prevail for a time in a world of darkness.
And I must then direct my thoughts to the One who made all of this possible. Lord, thank you that you have prepared such a man as Obama who seems almost out of this world in his ability to persevere. Lord thank you that no matter what happens, you are still God and still sovereign. Thank you that this election may teach the Church that we cannot put our hope and our security in who is in power, yet we can still hope. We can still be the Church.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Suffering Part 2
So within a week or less of writing my post on suffering, I found out that I was in fact suffering and that my suffering could be soon reduced. After being misdiagnosed with Anxiety/Depression for 1-2 years, I found out that it is really my thyroid that has been making me suffer for that time, if not longer--I'd say since 10th grade when my hair started falling out (not unreasonable since that is when my Grandmother had a diagnosed goiter and had the entire thyroid taken out a year earlier--we think--It's nice nice to tell your decendents about your medical history since so much is genetic!) So after a few tests, I can be freed from oppression!
It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!
So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.
So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.
In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.
Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.
I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).
It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!
So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.
So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.
In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.
Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.
I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).
Learning to Pray
Last night I kept the "nursery" at church. I spent time with a bright, "churched" 3rd grader. About an hour or so into our time together, she noticed that there were some interesting notes on prayer on the white board. She was confused and shocked that one bullet point said, "What do we do with "unanswered prayer?" "God doesn't answer all prayers?" she asked. "No," I told her. My heart broke with and for her as we both struggle with the issue of unanswered prayer.
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
To Suffer is to Experience Change
In our Church History (part 1) class, Dr. Smith talked about the controversies that involved the nature of the Incarnation of Christ. There was one school of thought that said that Jesus was not truly God if he died on the Cross. To experience the pain of execution (or even birth for that matter) would render the changless God changeable. To suffer is to experience change.
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Crash
Today, there was a crash. Location: Duke Divinity School, Pastoral Care in Cross-Cultural Perspective Topic: Cultural Diversity and why it's important. White person who doesn't get it, slams on breaks when they realize that there is a world out there that they don't get. And then a group of black people are cruising a little faster than what the average driver is going in knowing/asserting that their world is different from the white world, that oppression saturates even the most assimilated/acculturated person.
And then cRAsH!!! bAnG!!!! bOoM!!!
It was ugly. This isn't the biggest crash I've seen. Some people aim to crash into each other, but a crash that causes friction in the Divinity School? Ouch!
Even though I have a very faint heart (and tear duct) when it comes to race issues, particularly racial reconciliation issues, I deeply understand the importance of being real and not covering up true frustration. It's ok to be angry, ok to feel confused.
However, I think we have a particular calling as Christians to "speak the truth in love." We cannot hide from the truth. And in our anger, hurt, frustration, etc., we are called to not sin. I would also say that as people who find their live in the incarnation, death and resurrection of Christ, that we deeply understand what it means to step down off of our thrones of truth and humbly sit beside those who are struggling to understand truth. If Jesus sits with us and graciously helps us to understand the holiness and truth about God, when he could justly bless us out for not getting God's many acts of self-revelation and mercy; then we are called to sit with people graciously as Jesus did when they don't understand the truth of another world (ie. black/white worlds).
As the reconciler, Jesus acts almost as a translator who because he's both human and man, he can reconcile us to God. He can tell us the things of God that we cannot understand, and as explained in 1 John, he is also our Advocate who goes before us to plead our case to God. When we are trying to understand both the black and white world (and that isn't to say that there are many different worlds), we need both the reconciliation of Jesus, but as ambassadors of reconciliation, we also need a translator. We need someone, or a few people, who can adequately explain what another culture is trying to convey.
My dear white friend today didn't get it, she wanted to get it. She really could have been helped simply by having it explained to her as historical fact. It wasn't her fault that no one taught her black history (and please don't assume that taking a black history course makes you a reconciler, but that it can lay foundational groundwork to understanding a certain culture). But the job of those of us who consider ourselves the culturally assimilated, who can operate in both black and white worlds, can be a bridge or translator so that information can be conveyed in a way it can be understood.
If a legitamately angry black person tries to "educate" an ignorant white person, it can easily be misunderstood, even with the best of intentions. The black person still may be percieved as angry. If a white person tries to talk to a black person about what it means to be white, then they too may be subject to being labeled as "ignorant" and/or "racist." This isn't to say that love and truth aren't enough, but sometimes it helps to have someone who can adequately translate (therefore racist or angry is not what is communicated, but that the language of the different worlds are translated most accurately--not always word for word, but idea for idea).
And then cRAsH!!! bAnG!!!! bOoM!!!
It was ugly. This isn't the biggest crash I've seen. Some people aim to crash into each other, but a crash that causes friction in the Divinity School? Ouch!
Even though I have a very faint heart (and tear duct) when it comes to race issues, particularly racial reconciliation issues, I deeply understand the importance of being real and not covering up true frustration. It's ok to be angry, ok to feel confused.
However, I think we have a particular calling as Christians to "speak the truth in love." We cannot hide from the truth. And in our anger, hurt, frustration, etc., we are called to not sin. I would also say that as people who find their live in the incarnation, death and resurrection of Christ, that we deeply understand what it means to step down off of our thrones of truth and humbly sit beside those who are struggling to understand truth. If Jesus sits with us and graciously helps us to understand the holiness and truth about God, when he could justly bless us out for not getting God's many acts of self-revelation and mercy; then we are called to sit with people graciously as Jesus did when they don't understand the truth of another world (ie. black/white worlds).
As the reconciler, Jesus acts almost as a translator who because he's both human and man, he can reconcile us to God. He can tell us the things of God that we cannot understand, and as explained in 1 John, he is also our Advocate who goes before us to plead our case to God. When we are trying to understand both the black and white world (and that isn't to say that there are many different worlds), we need both the reconciliation of Jesus, but as ambassadors of reconciliation, we also need a translator. We need someone, or a few people, who can adequately explain what another culture is trying to convey.
My dear white friend today didn't get it, she wanted to get it. She really could have been helped simply by having it explained to her as historical fact. It wasn't her fault that no one taught her black history (and please don't assume that taking a black history course makes you a reconciler, but that it can lay foundational groundwork to understanding a certain culture). But the job of those of us who consider ourselves the culturally assimilated, who can operate in both black and white worlds, can be a bridge or translator so that information can be conveyed in a way it can be understood.
If a legitamately angry black person tries to "educate" an ignorant white person, it can easily be misunderstood, even with the best of intentions. The black person still may be percieved as angry. If a white person tries to talk to a black person about what it means to be white, then they too may be subject to being labeled as "ignorant" and/or "racist." This isn't to say that love and truth aren't enough, but sometimes it helps to have someone who can adequately translate (therefore racist or angry is not what is communicated, but that the language of the different worlds are translated most accurately--not always word for word, but idea for idea).
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Social Justice, Food and the Land(s) of Plenty
Today at the Divinity School I attended a seminar called "Closing the Food Gap: Resetting the Table in the Land of Plenty" (based on a book of the same name by Mark Winne). It was co-lead by Dr. Ellen Davis (Old Testament Scholar at Duke) and Dr. Norman Wirzba (Ecology and the Land Scholar at Duke).
Living with Katie Potter pointed me to what it means to see Jesus and the Land--granted the two professors noted above make their living in this area and who I can learn from in my time here at Duke, but it is Katie who showed me much of the truth that could be found in the lecture. Katie was able to show me that God called her to care about the land because it was not only part of creation that we are bound in relationship with, but that our sin shows up in how we treat the land. Issues of social injustice and poverty can be found in food and water distribution.
As citizens of two lands of plenty (the United States and the Kingdom of God), we are olbigated to play a part in the just distribution of food. Gupy taught me that God has provided more than enough for all his creation (populations explosions aside--remember God was also the one who said be fruitful and multiply--and that doesn't mean go have a quiver without praying).
Some notes/and thoughts from the discussion are found below:
Eating reminds us that our first identity is that of creature. It is therefore a reminder that we depend on others for our eating which results from the sacrifice of others. We are creatures of dependence in our natural state, and in our rebirth we are now dependent of the Bread of Life (Jesus). --Norman Wirzba
The poor are deprived of the nourishment in food that God gave for them. Due to the injustice of healthy and inexpensive options of grocery stores not opening in areas where the poor live. And also, on a more global scale regarding the poor, we deny people the privilege and humanity to feed themselves--rather than rely on food kitchens, banks and other non-profits organizations.
11% of Americans go hungry, while 65% of Americans suffer from obesity and diabetes (most of this percentage falling heavily on the poor.
A food desert is a rural or urban area that one has to travel more than 10 miles to buy healthy food. Keep in mind that most of the people in those areas probably do no have access to a car. Bus systems are great, but it you have humbled yourself to use them (I say that because in my privilege it was a shock to my system) you quickly find out that you are a slave to the bus' schedule and not your own. I remember during Gupy that it took an entire afternoon to go to the grocery store across town using the bus. And just think, we still had to have a staffperson with a car pick us up because we couldn't carry all that we needed just for one week!
"Poverty is the cause of Hunger."--Mark Winne
"We cannot turn our food into energy."--Norman Wirzba on turning to our food into gas because our entire consumption of food (I can't remember the time period) results in 2 gallons of gas.
Living with Katie Potter pointed me to what it means to see Jesus and the Land--granted the two professors noted above make their living in this area and who I can learn from in my time here at Duke, but it is Katie who showed me much of the truth that could be found in the lecture. Katie was able to show me that God called her to care about the land because it was not only part of creation that we are bound in relationship with, but that our sin shows up in how we treat the land. Issues of social injustice and poverty can be found in food and water distribution.
As citizens of two lands of plenty (the United States and the Kingdom of God), we are olbigated to play a part in the just distribution of food. Gupy taught me that God has provided more than enough for all his creation (populations explosions aside--remember God was also the one who said be fruitful and multiply--and that doesn't mean go have a quiver without praying).
Some notes/and thoughts from the discussion are found below:
Eating reminds us that our first identity is that of creature. It is therefore a reminder that we depend on others for our eating which results from the sacrifice of others. We are creatures of dependence in our natural state, and in our rebirth we are now dependent of the Bread of Life (Jesus). --Norman Wirzba
The poor are deprived of the nourishment in food that God gave for them. Due to the injustice of healthy and inexpensive options of grocery stores not opening in areas where the poor live. And also, on a more global scale regarding the poor, we deny people the privilege and humanity to feed themselves--rather than rely on food kitchens, banks and other non-profits organizations.
11% of Americans go hungry, while 65% of Americans suffer from obesity and diabetes (most of this percentage falling heavily on the poor.
A food desert is a rural or urban area that one has to travel more than 10 miles to buy healthy food. Keep in mind that most of the people in those areas probably do no have access to a car. Bus systems are great, but it you have humbled yourself to use them (I say that because in my privilege it was a shock to my system) you quickly find out that you are a slave to the bus' schedule and not your own. I remember during Gupy that it took an entire afternoon to go to the grocery store across town using the bus. And just think, we still had to have a staffperson with a car pick us up because we couldn't carry all that we needed just for one week!
"Poverty is the cause of Hunger."--Mark Winne
"We cannot turn our food into energy."--Norman Wirzba on turning to our food into gas because our entire consumption of food (I can't remember the time period) results in 2 gallons of gas.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Race, Culture and Evangelicalism
Now before I begin this post I was say that I one consider myself an Evangelical and so I consider myself a member of this group that I will discuss. However, a good chunk of my beliefs about race and culture were cultivated before I really knew what evangelicalism was--though I shared many of the beliefs of an evangelical at that time. The Professor that highlighted the theological and cultural characteristics of evangelicals (specifically during the 19th Century) also considers himself as leaning mainly toward evangelicalism.
I am not going to highlight all of the characteristics of Evangelicalism, but I will focus mainly on the ones that I think affect our view of race and culture.
1) Because Scripture is seen as authoritative and that God's Word can speak to people of all generations, Evangelicals have a tendency to see "history as transparent." At least in the time of the Great Awakening and 19th Century, Evangelical Christians have seen their identity through the lens of 1st Century Israel. They project the world of 1st Century Israel on the rest of the world across time.
2)Evangelicals often find themselves in an adversarial relationship with their surrounding culture. And often this adversarial relationship is often provoked by Christians. They always feel besieged. It is almost a sense of percieved victimization (real or not). Which is so interesting in light of the Cross--that part of our identiy is that of the victim. St. Wacker says that this point is particularly interesting if you image how the U.S. South is today: What happens when Evangelicals or just Southern Baptists in a community IS the majority?
In light of these two ideas, St. Wacker says that evangelicals have "no understanding of the power of culture," particularly in response to the first point. If history is transparent, it is often made obsolete and not important. If Evangelicals always seem to find themselves at odds with the world, then it will impact their modes of crossing cultures and evangelism.
After hearing this lecture, I feel that I completely understand why I faced so much opposition on entering evangelicalism when I spoke about the importance of culture, especially black culture. It makes sense now that others thought that my assertions of agreeing that for many people Christianity felt like "White Man's Religion" and that Christians needed to understand the implications of racism and history before evangelizing and crossing cultures even in the U.S. made me a liberal, a communist, or even some may have thought--an apostate.
What are the implications of this?
1) Evangelicals need to understand God's mandate of culture.
2) Once there is understanding that God loves culture, we need to move toward understanding where we've messed up in the past and confessing our sins to our brothers and sisters and lean on Jesus for our forgiveness. We may not be forgiven by those we have hurt, we can understand their pain at staying in unforgiveness while recieved forgiveness from Jesus and letting him free us from the pain when others want to make us pay for the sin that we cannot pay for.
3) We must continue to learn about History, Culture, Race and about the things that God loves that we try to push out of our theology for various reasons.
4) Embodying these practices of Reconciliation will make our Gospel more credible, especially to those who have been hurt by us.
I am not going to highlight all of the characteristics of Evangelicalism, but I will focus mainly on the ones that I think affect our view of race and culture.
1) Because Scripture is seen as authoritative and that God's Word can speak to people of all generations, Evangelicals have a tendency to see "history as transparent." At least in the time of the Great Awakening and 19th Century, Evangelical Christians have seen their identity through the lens of 1st Century Israel. They project the world of 1st Century Israel on the rest of the world across time.
2)Evangelicals often find themselves in an adversarial relationship with their surrounding culture. And often this adversarial relationship is often provoked by Christians. They always feel besieged. It is almost a sense of percieved victimization (real or not). Which is so interesting in light of the Cross--that part of our identiy is that of the victim. St. Wacker says that this point is particularly interesting if you image how the U.S. South is today: What happens when Evangelicals or just Southern Baptists in a community IS the majority?
In light of these two ideas, St. Wacker says that evangelicals have "no understanding of the power of culture," particularly in response to the first point. If history is transparent, it is often made obsolete and not important. If Evangelicals always seem to find themselves at odds with the world, then it will impact their modes of crossing cultures and evangelism.
After hearing this lecture, I feel that I completely understand why I faced so much opposition on entering evangelicalism when I spoke about the importance of culture, especially black culture. It makes sense now that others thought that my assertions of agreeing that for many people Christianity felt like "White Man's Religion" and that Christians needed to understand the implications of racism and history before evangelizing and crossing cultures even in the U.S. made me a liberal, a communist, or even some may have thought--an apostate.
What are the implications of this?
1) Evangelicals need to understand God's mandate of culture.
2) Once there is understanding that God loves culture, we need to move toward understanding where we've messed up in the past and confessing our sins to our brothers and sisters and lean on Jesus for our forgiveness. We may not be forgiven by those we have hurt, we can understand their pain at staying in unforgiveness while recieved forgiveness from Jesus and letting him free us from the pain when others want to make us pay for the sin that we cannot pay for.
3) We must continue to learn about History, Culture, Race and about the things that God loves that we try to push out of our theology for various reasons.
4) Embodying these practices of Reconciliation will make our Gospel more credible, especially to those who have been hurt by us.
Monday, September 22, 2008
What I Love About Fall
Slowly, but surely Fall is becoming my favorite season. Or at least I think. Here is what I LOVE about Fall in no particular order:
1) Pumpkin spice lattes and frappachinos from Starbucks
2) Listening to Nickel Creek
3) October Birthdays: My Bday is the first day of the month and I share the month with my Dad, Uncle Bryan, Cousin Anna, Uncle Guy, Bama (who is no longer with us) and our new edition is my sister's dog Ava
4) I love the Autumnal Leaves
5) Louisburg UMC's Fall Festival complete with homemade Brunswick stew that you can freeze to use throughout the Fall and Winter
6) The Lexington Barbecue Festival--Small town festival, state's largest one day festival. Celebrate with top Country music, arts and crafts, and oh yeah...barbecue!
7) Football season begins to require a sweatshirt and basketball season (which I consider its own season) begins
8) Nick, our black cat, gets to be Mom's favorite decoration for Halloween
9) I LOVE to pig out for Thanksgiving dinner
10) Gotta love the Macy's Day Christmas Parade!
11) The cool breeze on a warm day and crisp Carolina sky
12) I finally get to start wearing my favorite clothes: jeans and sweaters!
13) Leaf piles: A photo shoot with Bama or a pile to jump in provided by Dad
14) Buying produce at the Farmer's Market
1) Pumpkin spice lattes and frappachinos from Starbucks
2) Listening to Nickel Creek
3) October Birthdays: My Bday is the first day of the month and I share the month with my Dad, Uncle Bryan, Cousin Anna, Uncle Guy, Bama (who is no longer with us) and our new edition is my sister's dog Ava
4) I love the Autumnal Leaves
5) Louisburg UMC's Fall Festival complete with homemade Brunswick stew that you can freeze to use throughout the Fall and Winter
6) The Lexington Barbecue Festival--Small town festival, state's largest one day festival. Celebrate with top Country music, arts and crafts, and oh yeah...barbecue!
7) Football season begins to require a sweatshirt and basketball season (which I consider its own season) begins
8) Nick, our black cat, gets to be Mom's favorite decoration for Halloween
9) I LOVE to pig out for Thanksgiving dinner
10) Gotta love the Macy's Day Christmas Parade!
11) The cool breeze on a warm day and crisp Carolina sky
12) I finally get to start wearing my favorite clothes: jeans and sweaters!
13) Leaf piles: A photo shoot with Bama or a pile to jump in provided by Dad
14) Buying produce at the Farmer's Market
Team Victory
11 Divinity School students in a tent built for 8-10. Back to back 3 am sirens for checks. Dinner for almost 2,000. Campout 2008 was insane! But it all paid off since Team Victory went 6 for 12 in accumulating seasons tickets which we will divide up among us. Saturday evening we had a check and we all went running to the registration tent. We were asked to sit down and lo and behold Coach K and the entire Duke Basketball team showed up (minus Greg Paulus who was stuck in traffic). How amazing it was to see Coach less than 25 feet away from me!!! And I was sooo close to asking him a question! The only sad element of this was that because there was no introduction that they were coming, I didn't have a camera on me!
Coach spoke about Legacy and how he saw the establishment of this to begin with the grad students who realize that college and certain aspects of life do not last forever. He wants all of us to keep the eye on prize this year for a national champtionship. And I must say, the thought of keeping the eye on the prize really reminded me of this blog. During Campout you could easily forget the prize (being entered in the lottery for a chance of tickets in Cameron), yet the 10th siren that required you get up and run to the registration tent almost made you choose sleep (a distraction or competition to the prize). When I made this connection, I realize how often I give in to that distraction/competition rather than keep my eye on the ball. I give up often. How wonderful it was that for the last 10 hours or so of campout that they ran footage of the classic Duke victories! I could remember where I was, what I was thinking, and even the names of most of the players who have made up a part of my life. How quickly time flies. The current team were between the ages of (11 and 15) when Duke won the last National Championship in 2001! Babies! So life is worth keeping your eye on the prize. And as much as I'd like my prize to be a Duke National Championship--I forget that mine is the Championship party in heaven.
Coach spoke about Legacy and how he saw the establishment of this to begin with the grad students who realize that college and certain aspects of life do not last forever. He wants all of us to keep the eye on prize this year for a national champtionship. And I must say, the thought of keeping the eye on the prize really reminded me of this blog. During Campout you could easily forget the prize (being entered in the lottery for a chance of tickets in Cameron), yet the 10th siren that required you get up and run to the registration tent almost made you choose sleep (a distraction or competition to the prize). When I made this connection, I realize how often I give in to that distraction/competition rather than keep my eye on the ball. I give up often. How wonderful it was that for the last 10 hours or so of campout that they ran footage of the classic Duke victories! I could remember where I was, what I was thinking, and even the names of most of the players who have made up a part of my life. How quickly time flies. The current team were between the ages of (11 and 15) when Duke won the last National Championship in 2001! Babies! So life is worth keeping your eye on the prize. And as much as I'd like my prize to be a Duke National Championship--I forget that mine is the Championship party in heaven.
Grad Student TentVille
The Nylon Mobile Home makes its college debut as Taj-Ma-Tent
Team Victory!!!
Friday, September 19, 2008
Camping Out for Basketball Tickets
This weekend I have signed up to experience the ultimate in Duke Student Life: Camping out for basketball tickets. As much as I want those tickets, I also love my sleep and my 700 square feet apartment to myself and my sweet kitty, Mercy. It will be interesting to see if I'm able to live to God through living in community with sleep deprivation and the scarcity of tickets! For those of the praying type, tickets would be lovely, but please pray for my wellbeing and the eleven other people on my "team" who are living in close proximity with one another.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Poverty and the Problem of the "Boot straps": An American Fallicy
So today in my Pastoral Care in Cross Cultural Perspective class, I found myself wanting to weep at the cross. We were having a discussion about Eastern culture (which experiences more communal identity) and Western culture (which has an individualistic perception of identity). Dr. Acolatse, our professor, grew up in Ghana. And she mentioned that the issue of homelessness would NEVER occur in African culture. In Africa, a person would never have to feel the shame of feeling that they failed at making a living for themselves. In our culture it leads to homelessness or suicide--feeling that you can't provide for yourself. Rather, an African would be taken in my a family member, no matter the hardship it proved to add another mouth the feed. As Americans, we look at people as if it is their own fault for not "making it," sending that person in despair. In Eastern culture, you make a living together--not on your own.
What a humbling thought to think that in some places around the world that homelessness and suicide would not exist just because of a way of thinking or a value system.
What a humbling thought to think that in some places around the world that homelessness and suicide would not exist just because of a way of thinking or a value system.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Me: A Reconciliation Person
While going through my resume and contemplating my history, I find it amazing that I am a reconciliation person. Why me? It's a question that I've often posed for a number of reasons.
1) It's hard.
2) It is a complete oxymoron given my history...a reality that I would like to unpack here on my blog because I have found it to be extremely significant.
The blood in my veins can be traced back to the English throne through the daughter of a Plantagenet King. The family remained in the good graces of the English Court until the Elizabethan Era. For unknown reasons, the Woodlief family lost credibility and respect at Court due to the suspicion that they were involved in the murder of Shakespeare's rival Christopher Marlowe. One of the sons, I think it was the youngest, John Woodlief joined a joint stock company and served as Captain to settlers who would make their home at what is now Berkely Plantation in Virginia. It was there that the official first Thanksgiving took place in 1619. Due to some sort of squabble, John crossed over the James River away from the rest of the settlers. This decision saved his life as an Indian attack destroyed the settlement. John eventually made his way from the James River to the Tar River area in North Carolina and my line of the family never moved until my my Dad married my Mom.
The Tar River family did well for themselves and were prominent members of the community. Yet that particular section of NC experienced some of the worst cases of racism and violence definatley in the state, if not also ranked in the South. I can only imagine that my family members were not involved in some of this activity. The area was a KKK hotbed in both the 19th and 20th Century editions of the group. They also created the first Confederate flag.
In the 20th Century, my Grandfather was the Superintendent in charge of integration. Just as my family has perhaps had for years, I never knew a day at my Grandparents house without hired help for the cooking, chores, and gardening. I also grew up with a black nanny. And until the past year, I have always had a cleaning lady to take care of the house.
As part of the "elite" of my small hometown, we were invited to take part in etiquette, cotillion, and debutante balls. We were afforded opportunities to socialize with the "right" people. We traveled around the world for pleasure. Granted, this cannot define my entire history because as you will soon see in later posts, that I also was able to experience quite the opposite--though never feeling that I truly belonged to either extreme.
But as far as racial or class reconciliation goes, I am the most likely/unlikely choice to be a reconciliation person.
How ironic that I would be chosen! I have extreme power in my priveledged life. And to find myself called to advocate for those who do not have those priviledges and to truly reconcile and live life with those people only points to the work of Reconciliation that God has already done for us in Christ. To mirror this truth is why I believe I was chosen.
"Jesus did not regard equality with God something to be grasped (or held on to), but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave in human flesh...He humbled himself obediently to the point of death, even death on a cross" to reconcile us back to God.
I have power that is not to be held tightly or taken lightly, but to be emptied for the sake of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5 tells us that we pursue our neighbor and the things of heaven because Jesus has reconciled us to heaven through his cross and resurrection. He was the first to cross the ultimate cross-cultural divide (from immortality to mortality and then back) so that we would be restored to God, ourselves, creation and our neighbor.
To be a person of reconciliation must take this into account. If not, we abuse each other and are tempted to grasp tightly to our stuff.
So truly, my journey in reconciliation is not about me, but it is about what Christ has already done. I am just baffled and excited and humbled to see that this passage rings so true for me that I have been chosen for this purpose.
1) It's hard.
2) It is a complete oxymoron given my history...a reality that I would like to unpack here on my blog because I have found it to be extremely significant.
The blood in my veins can be traced back to the English throne through the daughter of a Plantagenet King. The family remained in the good graces of the English Court until the Elizabethan Era. For unknown reasons, the Woodlief family lost credibility and respect at Court due to the suspicion that they were involved in the murder of Shakespeare's rival Christopher Marlowe. One of the sons, I think it was the youngest, John Woodlief joined a joint stock company and served as Captain to settlers who would make their home at what is now Berkely Plantation in Virginia. It was there that the official first Thanksgiving took place in 1619. Due to some sort of squabble, John crossed over the James River away from the rest of the settlers. This decision saved his life as an Indian attack destroyed the settlement. John eventually made his way from the James River to the Tar River area in North Carolina and my line of the family never moved until my my Dad married my Mom.
The Tar River family did well for themselves and were prominent members of the community. Yet that particular section of NC experienced some of the worst cases of racism and violence definatley in the state, if not also ranked in the South. I can only imagine that my family members were not involved in some of this activity. The area was a KKK hotbed in both the 19th and 20th Century editions of the group. They also created the first Confederate flag.
In the 20th Century, my Grandfather was the Superintendent in charge of integration. Just as my family has perhaps had for years, I never knew a day at my Grandparents house without hired help for the cooking, chores, and gardening. I also grew up with a black nanny. And until the past year, I have always had a cleaning lady to take care of the house.
As part of the "elite" of my small hometown, we were invited to take part in etiquette, cotillion, and debutante balls. We were afforded opportunities to socialize with the "right" people. We traveled around the world for pleasure. Granted, this cannot define my entire history because as you will soon see in later posts, that I also was able to experience quite the opposite--though never feeling that I truly belonged to either extreme.
But as far as racial or class reconciliation goes, I am the most likely/unlikely choice to be a reconciliation person.
How ironic that I would be chosen! I have extreme power in my priveledged life. And to find myself called to advocate for those who do not have those priviledges and to truly reconcile and live life with those people only points to the work of Reconciliation that God has already done for us in Christ. To mirror this truth is why I believe I was chosen.
"Jesus did not regard equality with God something to be grasped (or held on to), but emptied Himself, taking the form of a slave in human flesh...He humbled himself obediently to the point of death, even death on a cross" to reconcile us back to God.
I have power that is not to be held tightly or taken lightly, but to be emptied for the sake of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5 tells us that we pursue our neighbor and the things of heaven because Jesus has reconciled us to heaven through his cross and resurrection. He was the first to cross the ultimate cross-cultural divide (from immortality to mortality and then back) so that we would be restored to God, ourselves, creation and our neighbor.
To be a person of reconciliation must take this into account. If not, we abuse each other and are tempted to grasp tightly to our stuff.
So truly, my journey in reconciliation is not about me, but it is about what Christ has already done. I am just baffled and excited and humbled to see that this passage rings so true for me that I have been chosen for this purpose.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Social Location
So in honor of St. Wacker of Duke, I must give you my social location. To understand my natural biases and assumptions, one must understand social location: where you're coming from. As a history major this was key to everything I learned in Undergrad.
So who am I?
I grew up in smalltown NC. In the home I lived a relative middle class existence, though going to right church and having the right friends or connections would morph you into a locus of power that controlled both social and political life in town. I had some of those connections--although I both hated and longed for it growing up.
Grew up Methodist. In my absolutist stage I liked the Baptists (although I still do to a degree). My theology box could probably be identified through my involvement with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. Yet I have found that I have hung out with a lot of Presbyterians. And now I attend a predominately Wesleyian (though definately not all) Seminary. Some may say that I've come full circle.
So that should explain that I am theologically conservative and socially liberal. But of couse, that is not all of the reasons.
For college I moved to Asheville, a liberal and academic University. So yes, I like to recycle, to wear Crocs, and do a number of other things that would be identified as tree-hugger.
Now I live in Durham. I've been both a public and private school teacher before Seminary.
So hopefully this identifies much of where I am coming from, but do realize that my social location does not always define me as I struggle against it at times.
So who am I?
I grew up in smalltown NC. In the home I lived a relative middle class existence, though going to right church and having the right friends or connections would morph you into a locus of power that controlled both social and political life in town. I had some of those connections--although I both hated and longed for it growing up.
Grew up Methodist. In my absolutist stage I liked the Baptists (although I still do to a degree). My theology box could probably be identified through my involvement with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. Yet I have found that I have hung out with a lot of Presbyterians. And now I attend a predominately Wesleyian (though definately not all) Seminary. Some may say that I've come full circle.
So that should explain that I am theologically conservative and socially liberal. But of couse, that is not all of the reasons.
For college I moved to Asheville, a liberal and academic University. So yes, I like to recycle, to wear Crocs, and do a number of other things that would be identified as tree-hugger.
Now I live in Durham. I've been both a public and private school teacher before Seminary.
So hopefully this identifies much of where I am coming from, but do realize that my social location does not always define me as I struggle against it at times.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Entering a New World
Finally! I have a blog! I think this is the first form of technology that I can safely say that I like...hopefully I won't change my mind about that in the the next few months. I will begin by answering a few questions.
Why am I creating a blog?
Being a writer at heart, I can create entries for the public without having to worry about grammar and a grade. I would have loved to create a blog when I was teaching in public school, but there are way too many laws involved with that. However, now that I am Divinity School at Duke I have found that I want to comment on what we are learning and how I am processing all of it. As a random person, I find myself contemplating extremely random yet interesting ideas. A blog would create a great place for comments and thoughts. So yes, please comment to keep the ideas flowing! And I must say that my life typically ends up being very interesting...so some things I just can't keep to myself.
What might you find on my blog?
If you read about the name of my blog, you will find that most of my posts will probably pertain to some aspect of the Christian life. And although it sounds very narcissistic, it will probably pertain to me and my life much of the time. So last week I began to think about what state I am in on the race. I am exhausted from a few sprints that I wasn't really ready for after bad injuries in a fall, but I am jogging along none the less. But this time as I'm jogging, I've noticed that I've begun to see faces in the crowd--the cloud of witnesses--who are cheering me on in faith. Since I'm in Div school getting to know some of these people who have come before me, I expect to make a number of posts on the cloud of witnesses. As an M.T.S. student, there may be a few theology or bible posts. Although my blog will take a Christian point of view, I invite those of all points of view to share in my experiences and to make comments.
Why am I creating a blog?
Being a writer at heart, I can create entries for the public without having to worry about grammar and a grade. I would have loved to create a blog when I was teaching in public school, but there are way too many laws involved with that. However, now that I am Divinity School at Duke I have found that I want to comment on what we are learning and how I am processing all of it. As a random person, I find myself contemplating extremely random yet interesting ideas. A blog would create a great place for comments and thoughts. So yes, please comment to keep the ideas flowing! And I must say that my life typically ends up being very interesting...so some things I just can't keep to myself.
What might you find on my blog?
If you read about the name of my blog, you will find that most of my posts will probably pertain to some aspect of the Christian life. And although it sounds very narcissistic, it will probably pertain to me and my life much of the time. So last week I began to think about what state I am in on the race. I am exhausted from a few sprints that I wasn't really ready for after bad injuries in a fall, but I am jogging along none the less. But this time as I'm jogging, I've noticed that I've begun to see faces in the crowd--the cloud of witnesses--who are cheering me on in faith. Since I'm in Div school getting to know some of these people who have come before me, I expect to make a number of posts on the cloud of witnesses. As an M.T.S. student, there may be a few theology or bible posts. Although my blog will take a Christian point of view, I invite those of all points of view to share in my experiences and to make comments.
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