So I'm unsure how it happened, but I found myself surfing online (read procrastinating) and I decided that opening a bookstore is a dream of mine. Now I haven't really thought about this in a calling sense, but rather "I like this concept" and "I could use an on-the-side business in addition to my ministry because I'll be dirt poor." Now I will say that I have been praying that God would help me to use my gift of desiring to give money away to people and organizations in need of support. Yet God revealed to me in prayer that despite what I may think about my financial situation, I will be considered rich because I live in the U.S., I have a degree(s) and I have a savings account. So please don't take this post as Gospel.
But, I must say that I have a great hobby in suggesting books to help people in their spiritual growth. And to my own astonishment at times, Christian bookstores and even the larger secular chain stores do not do justice to the great Christian works that are available to people. Katie Potter told me that at Urbana 03 that someone responded to criticism about spiritual books by saying, "if you reject God's working in people through books, you might as well forget the Holy Spirit." I'm guessing that would attributed to the oh so awesome Greg Jao who MCed Urbana 03 as well as 06, which I attended. And how many times do you walk into a Christian bookstore and find books with massive theological error, are culturally subjective and not inclusive, encourage temptation and fantasy (Christian fiction), and leaves important aspect of God's heart in their selection of books.
I would love to be in charge of selecting beneficial and biblical books that would truly help Christians and seekers alike. Books that would provide striking and gospel answers even when maintaining a secular voice.
How cool would it be to have a downtown bookstore? A bookstore that was like the well in Scripture? A place that was like the River of the Kingdom of God that was a source of spiritual water? How cool would it be to listen to people about their needs and then lead them to a helpful source? How cool would it be to welcome all people to use the space like a library. A place for people to gather and enjoy one another's company in Christian community. This would be a really fabulous enterprise, yet it would have to start with prayer. Many sources suggest starting with an online, in-home online bookstore. Something like that would be great for me to work on as a stay at home Mom. So this is definately not something for now, yet it is something for later. I would like to think that such a business could provide for my family's more pricey needs such as college, Sabbath vacations, etc. and of course would provide a large income to give away.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Secular Examples About Our Relationship With God
1. Obama
I know some of you are cringing that I cannot stop talking about him. The night before he was given all of Presidential briefs on security that would probably send chills down the average person's mind, I committed myself to praying for our new President. I gave thanks to God for answering the prayers of many black people, not just those of today, but those of many generations who had prayed for equality. And I found the example of Moses coming to mind. During the time of Israel's slavery, many people had been praying for their liberation--and it seemed that God wasn't doing anything. Why would a good God sit around until He felt like intervening, letting the ones that He loves experience suffering? But rather, God had a plan. While people were praying, a child was being born. While they cried for help, a chosen child was in Pharoah's favor. While they lamented, Moses was being prepared in the land of Midian. In the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, Barack Obama was born. Regardless of what you think about his politics, for many black people, he represents answer to prayer. People prayed for change at the time wanting a right-now answer from God (and that is a justifiable plea), yet God was planning an answer for down the road. I forget so often that prayer is just like this. God operates so differenly that we'd like Him to, but he absolutely hears those prayers and organizes a response--and it may be a lifetime in coming.
2. Mercy, my cat
For the past few weeks my sweet pea has not come to sleep in my bed or even in my room! And it just drives me crazy. For so long she wanted to be where I was at all times whether that means in the shower, in the bed, and yes, even on my desk when I'm working! So I was confused when I would find her laying on the cold kitchen floor or sitting on the counch all by herself when I was waiting for her to join me in the big comfy bed. Last night, I picked her up and settled her under the covers and gave her lots of rubbings and kisses so that she'd realize that I didn't hate her. I think our relationship with God is sometimes like that. We'll all of a sudden think that God has abandoned us or doesn't want us and we move away from the place of comfort to trying to get by on our own, knowing that our true happiness (and purrful living) is when we're with the one who loves us.
3. Weezer
So this weekend my entire family and my sister's boyfriend's family came to tailgate with us here at Duke. Mom made plans to meet at a museum on campus, yet 30 minutes before time to meet, the "in-laws" found that you couldn't park in that lot. Everything was dependent on meeting in that central parking lot. So I had a very quick easy fix to the situation, yet in the time of complete undoing, my sister didn't listen to a single thing that I had to say. And in one of my not so godly moments, I hung up. How can you refuse the wisdom of someone who has the knowledge you need in your time of struggle? We do this with God ALL the time. He has all of the answers in the world to guide us, yet we refuse His help in our efforts to impose corrections on the Master or to lament or run around like chicken with its head cut off when God can mend it back together.
I know some of you are cringing that I cannot stop talking about him. The night before he was given all of Presidential briefs on security that would probably send chills down the average person's mind, I committed myself to praying for our new President. I gave thanks to God for answering the prayers of many black people, not just those of today, but those of many generations who had prayed for equality. And I found the example of Moses coming to mind. During the time of Israel's slavery, many people had been praying for their liberation--and it seemed that God wasn't doing anything. Why would a good God sit around until He felt like intervening, letting the ones that He loves experience suffering? But rather, God had a plan. While people were praying, a child was being born. While they cried for help, a chosen child was in Pharoah's favor. While they lamented, Moses was being prepared in the land of Midian. In the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, Barack Obama was born. Regardless of what you think about his politics, for many black people, he represents answer to prayer. People prayed for change at the time wanting a right-now answer from God (and that is a justifiable plea), yet God was planning an answer for down the road. I forget so often that prayer is just like this. God operates so differenly that we'd like Him to, but he absolutely hears those prayers and organizes a response--and it may be a lifetime in coming.
2. Mercy, my cat
For the past few weeks my sweet pea has not come to sleep in my bed or even in my room! And it just drives me crazy. For so long she wanted to be where I was at all times whether that means in the shower, in the bed, and yes, even on my desk when I'm working! So I was confused when I would find her laying on the cold kitchen floor or sitting on the counch all by herself when I was waiting for her to join me in the big comfy bed. Last night, I picked her up and settled her under the covers and gave her lots of rubbings and kisses so that she'd realize that I didn't hate her. I think our relationship with God is sometimes like that. We'll all of a sudden think that God has abandoned us or doesn't want us and we move away from the place of comfort to trying to get by on our own, knowing that our true happiness (and purrful living) is when we're with the one who loves us.
3. Weezer
So this weekend my entire family and my sister's boyfriend's family came to tailgate with us here at Duke. Mom made plans to meet at a museum on campus, yet 30 minutes before time to meet, the "in-laws" found that you couldn't park in that lot. Everything was dependent on meeting in that central parking lot. So I had a very quick easy fix to the situation, yet in the time of complete undoing, my sister didn't listen to a single thing that I had to say. And in one of my not so godly moments, I hung up. How can you refuse the wisdom of someone who has the knowledge you need in your time of struggle? We do this with God ALL the time. He has all of the answers in the world to guide us, yet we refuse His help in our efforts to impose corrections on the Master or to lament or run around like chicken with its head cut off when God can mend it back together.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
A New Dawn...
I realized that electing a black President would be historic, but I never realized that it very well could be life changing.
Today my black students and other students of color can say that there is no glass ceiling to them acheiving their dreams. They may face barriers, but the ceiling is gone. Today if they did not have a good example of what it means to be a black man, they have it now. They have a representation of someone who looks like them being successful. How important is this when most residence of jails and prisons are black men? How important is this when a majority of black children grow up without their biological fathers or father figures in general? How important is this when black children are tempted to not "become white" by pursuing academics by thugs when they see the White House as the home of a black family?
And then there was the change in me. I would love to say that it was conversion that made me believe in racial equality. And to an extent, the Bible solidifying my beliefs on justice and God's affirmation of racial diversity, but today as I walk around campus at Duke and pass black men, no matter their station, I think to myself..."Oh, he or she can be the next President, that he or she can do anything a white person could do." That thought is replacing the other thought that has always sat in the back of my mind which my culture has taught me, "Is that black man dangerous to me, a white woman?"
Praise God for this! This is part of what forgiveness and reconciliation means in the Bible. Our sinful ways and our negative feelings are replaced with godly and positive thoughts. Finding this change in my thoughts, I don't think I ever realized just how racist ideologies had been deeply embedded in my mind. God, will you renew and change our minds in this transition of our democracy and society. And may we never deny the evil of slavery and racism in the past and in the present just because we have chosen a black President.
Today my black students and other students of color can say that there is no glass ceiling to them acheiving their dreams. They may face barriers, but the ceiling is gone. Today if they did not have a good example of what it means to be a black man, they have it now. They have a representation of someone who looks like them being successful. How important is this when most residence of jails and prisons are black men? How important is this when a majority of black children grow up without their biological fathers or father figures in general? How important is this when black children are tempted to not "become white" by pursuing academics by thugs when they see the White House as the home of a black family?
And then there was the change in me. I would love to say that it was conversion that made me believe in racial equality. And to an extent, the Bible solidifying my beliefs on justice and God's affirmation of racial diversity, but today as I walk around campus at Duke and pass black men, no matter their station, I think to myself..."Oh, he or she can be the next President, that he or she can do anything a white person could do." That thought is replacing the other thought that has always sat in the back of my mind which my culture has taught me, "Is that black man dangerous to me, a white woman?"
Praise God for this! This is part of what forgiveness and reconciliation means in the Bible. Our sinful ways and our negative feelings are replaced with godly and positive thoughts. Finding this change in my thoughts, I don't think I ever realized just how racist ideologies had been deeply embedded in my mind. God, will you renew and change our minds in this transition of our democracy and society. And may we never deny the evil of slavery and racism in the past and in the present just because we have chosen a black President.
The American People Have Spoken
Barack Obama has been elected President of the United States! I must explain that I have supported him, yet in the past I have also voted other ways. Obama is my candidate of choice, yet he doesn't represent all of my beliefs. I am not going to use this time to explain some of those beliefs.
I was very proud of myself that I spent painstaking hours this year researching who I would vote for. While in the booth, I was proud of my choices and that my votes were an expression of my beliefs, though yet again not a full expression. But I was surprised that I did not experience the emotions of voting for a black man for President.
However, when they announced that he had won, when they put "Elected President of the United States," I was overcome with emotion and had tears flowing down my cheeks and a heart that was full of hope and happy unbelief. We just elected a black man for President. After all our nation has been through, after our greatest problems of slavery, and even when discrimination is even evident in our Constitution, our country still proclaims that our government is both dynamic and strong. I admit that this is hard for me to believe, but I am thankful that Barack has taught me to hope again. I guess you cannot believe that change can really happen, but you can hope that it does--and hope is a fundamental Biblical principal. Hope means that we pray, we remain involved, that in our heartbreak we stay with the program. I am so thankful that Barack has lit a spark in me that makes me think that just maybe I can hope again. That just maybe if we care about the things that God cares about and live by faith, hope and love then just maybe, maybe good will prevail for a time in a world of darkness.
And I must then direct my thoughts to the One who made all of this possible. Lord, thank you that you have prepared such a man as Obama who seems almost out of this world in his ability to persevere. Lord thank you that no matter what happens, you are still God and still sovereign. Thank you that this election may teach the Church that we cannot put our hope and our security in who is in power, yet we can still hope. We can still be the Church.
I was very proud of myself that I spent painstaking hours this year researching who I would vote for. While in the booth, I was proud of my choices and that my votes were an expression of my beliefs, though yet again not a full expression. But I was surprised that I did not experience the emotions of voting for a black man for President.
However, when they announced that he had won, when they put "Elected President of the United States," I was overcome with emotion and had tears flowing down my cheeks and a heart that was full of hope and happy unbelief. We just elected a black man for President. After all our nation has been through, after our greatest problems of slavery, and even when discrimination is even evident in our Constitution, our country still proclaims that our government is both dynamic and strong. I admit that this is hard for me to believe, but I am thankful that Barack has taught me to hope again. I guess you cannot believe that change can really happen, but you can hope that it does--and hope is a fundamental Biblical principal. Hope means that we pray, we remain involved, that in our heartbreak we stay with the program. I am so thankful that Barack has lit a spark in me that makes me think that just maybe I can hope again. That just maybe if we care about the things that God cares about and live by faith, hope and love then just maybe, maybe good will prevail for a time in a world of darkness.
And I must then direct my thoughts to the One who made all of this possible. Lord, thank you that you have prepared such a man as Obama who seems almost out of this world in his ability to persevere. Lord thank you that no matter what happens, you are still God and still sovereign. Thank you that this election may teach the Church that we cannot put our hope and our security in who is in power, yet we can still hope. We can still be the Church.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Suffering Part 2
So within a week or less of writing my post on suffering, I found out that I was in fact suffering and that my suffering could be soon reduced. After being misdiagnosed with Anxiety/Depression for 1-2 years, I found out that it is really my thyroid that has been making me suffer for that time, if not longer--I'd say since 10th grade when my hair started falling out (not unreasonable since that is when my Grandmother had a diagnosed goiter and had the entire thyroid taken out a year earlier--we think--It's nice nice to tell your decendents about your medical history since so much is genetic!) So after a few tests, I can be freed from oppression!
It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!
So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.
So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.
In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.
Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.
I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).
It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!
So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.
So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.
In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.
Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.
I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).
Learning to Pray
Last night I kept the "nursery" at church. I spent time with a bright, "churched" 3rd grader. About an hour or so into our time together, she noticed that there were some interesting notes on prayer on the white board. She was confused and shocked that one bullet point said, "What do we do with "unanswered prayer?" "God doesn't answer all prayers?" she asked. "No," I told her. My heart broke with and for her as we both struggle with the issue of unanswered prayer.
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
To Suffer is to Experience Change
In our Church History (part 1) class, Dr. Smith talked about the controversies that involved the nature of the Incarnation of Christ. There was one school of thought that said that Jesus was not truly God if he died on the Cross. To experience the pain of execution (or even birth for that matter) would render the changless God changeable. To suffer is to experience change.
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
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