So within a week or less of writing my post on suffering, I found out that I was in fact suffering and that my suffering could be soon reduced. After being misdiagnosed with Anxiety/Depression for 1-2 years, I found out that it is really my thyroid that has been making me suffer for that time, if not longer--I'd say since 10th grade when my hair started falling out (not unreasonable since that is when my Grandmother had a diagnosed goiter and had the entire thyroid taken out a year earlier--we think--It's nice nice to tell your decendents about your medical history since so much is genetic!) So after a few tests, I can be freed from oppression!
It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!
So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.
So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.
In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.
Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.
I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).
Monday, October 27, 2008
Learning to Pray
Last night I kept the "nursery" at church. I spent time with a bright, "churched" 3rd grader. About an hour or so into our time together, she noticed that there were some interesting notes on prayer on the white board. She was confused and shocked that one bullet point said, "What do we do with "unanswered prayer?" "God doesn't answer all prayers?" she asked. "No," I told her. My heart broke with and for her as we both struggle with the issue of unanswered prayer.
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.
Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.
So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.
Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
To Suffer is to Experience Change
In our Church History (part 1) class, Dr. Smith talked about the controversies that involved the nature of the Incarnation of Christ. There was one school of thought that said that Jesus was not truly God if he died on the Cross. To experience the pain of execution (or even birth for that matter) would render the changless God changeable. To suffer is to experience change.
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?
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