Monday, January 26, 2009

The Power of Memory

Over the past few years I have found myself holding tight to the book of Hebrews, finding that when my faith seems insufficient, it can rest on the power of memory. I have found this theme to permeate throughout the Old Testament as I've been studying under Dr. Davis. There is something about memory that is absolutely profound. What is equally terrifying for me is realizing that memories that are negative can be equally profound and can tear away at the foundation of any sense of hope.

As I've made my way slowly through my material for the South and Black and White class, I'm finding that it is either the perversion of false memory (the glorious Antebellum South or the "evils" of political changes after the Civil War) and instances and threats of violence to keep people in check so that white supremacy would prevail that fulfill much of the memories that Southerners have of the past. The propaganda of these tactics were both meant to rile up whites and to weaken and castrate blacks (and even those who would "side" with "them"). What I find incredibly interesting is that these tactics are alive and well in today's America.

--I think I was about 11-12 when I had my first run in with the KKK. Having grown up in the city school system rather than the county school system, I was surrounded by people who did not look like me. As a student in what had previously been the "old black high school" named after Dunbar, the MLK Jr. holiday was something that we never missed celebrating at school. There was a lot of hype around school over the first annual MLK parade in downtown. I feel certain that we went to the parade that year, but it wasn't until after running a few errands in town and were making our way back home in the car when we passed the Courthouse which was plastered with men in white sheets and Confederate flags. "What are they doing here Daddy?" I asked, wondering why someone would allow people who I'd learned in school hated others would be allowed to approach the Court House steps which only an hour or so before had been the best spot along the parade route. I innocently thought that if we as a people believed they were so bad, then why don't we stop hatred where it was allowed to grow? I can't remember exactly what Dad told me, but I knew he was uncomfortable and was perhaps heartbroken to have to explain such a rough history to his daughters--one which was probably all too close to home to him given that his own father was given the task of integrating by force one of the last segregated schools in NC and therefore the country. That was my first time feeling that maybe this world was not so safe.

--A few years later my sister and her black and white friends were put in danger as they made their way into a hotpocket of KKK activity when they were cheerleaders making their way to the visitor side of the football field. Trucks of white men raced passed them, taunting them with salutations of the N word and 'N-lovers.' Perhaps it sticks out more deeply in my own memory than hers because I remember reading and hearing about the dangers of the KKK and maybe she didn't know the whole story and only remembers her white cheerleading Coach preparing the team for what they might encounter. "They're ignorant," she was told. "Don't worry about them, just ignore them." The team was used to being comforted with hugs and encouragement from their Coach so perhaps my sister lived in the reality that was painted for her by such a positive adult. But I didn't get the speech or the hugs, I just heard the story afterwards and I realized that I could be grouped and identified as a white person by who I associated with and my skin color would not save me. I remember that after that day, if another school taunted us or disliked us, our own everyday groups of preps, nerds, athletes, goths, black, white, hispanic, asian, etc. fell apart it and we became an "us"--a united front that was taunted together.

--When I left my little smalltown for college, I found myself missing the "us." When I recieved news that the bones of a former basketball standout had been found in the sparse woods where he had gone missing after being racially profiled, misidentified with the actual suspect they were looking for, crashed his car and chased into the woods--I knew that not one of us was safe any longer. I knew that Tedric had been murdered for the color of his skin by the deputies who pursued him under a policy of "pulling over anyone not whiter than snow" which we found out months later when the Sheriff was indicted on numerous charges. Yet not one of them included the death of this young man who went off to college, claimed his children (and the children of his girlfriend from previous relationships). And I lost complete hope and live still terrified and angry when I see a white governmnent official who has a holster.

--To write my undergraduate thesis, I spent a lot of time at the Archives at UNC-CH. I remember finding an account of a lynching in my Dad's hometown back in the 1920s that many had called 'very suspicious' and 'dangerous.' I called my Grandfather assuming that I could get some leads into what happened. And sure enough he remembered the event and how it was spoken about at the barbershops around town--even when he lived about 15 miles away at the time. "Jennifer, don't you go digging that stuff up that people don't want to talk about." And from his tone I could tell it was because 80 years after the event he was aware of the memory and felt great fear for me and our family if I exposed anything that others didn't want to become common knowledge.

The burden of these memories of the South weigh heavily on us still. Heavily enough that I fear and heavily enough that I hope for change. Heavily enough that I have to say to myself, "I will not put my hope in education, in my privilege, or even in my own idealism--but unto you O Lord I must commend my spirit--there I will put my hope."

Friday, January 23, 2009

Overwhelmed

This time I was only able to get through one page on the Wilmington Race Riot of 1898 before I felt overwhelmed. Last time I picked up the material I didn't get too much further than that until I felt not only overwhelmed but deeply disturbed.

As a North Carolinian, as a student of predominantly Southern and African American history (though I am sooo far from being an expert) and as a former history teacher, I am familiar with the Wilmington Race Riots. I'm re-reading material that I have either both read before or have had summarized to me. But this time, it's messing me up. Perhaps it is because I read it as we are studying the Prophets in Old Testament. Perhaps it is because I know longer am looking for the "approved by black people badge" that Dr. Tyson so wonderfully described on our first day of class. Or perhaps it falls around the time we celebrate Human Relations Sunday (which I get a complete kick out of honestly if you study the quirkiness of the white folks who started these days), MLK Jr. Day and the Inauguration of Barack Obama.

As I'm learning to not hate and despise my whiteness, while being more active to confess my race-based sins, I find that it makes me less immune to not just knowing intellectually the pain of injustice, but feeling it in a pathos sense. All of this together raises new questions and emotions that I'm not sure exactly what to do with.

Why is there such a link between active white supremacists and proponents of Education? As a former school teacher I can assure that not only have I seen this in the form of your "typical redneck" folks involved in the Educational system, but I've seen it in more subtle ways in who Jonathan Kozol calls "the people who say that they are with me" like those in the Education Department who tried to physically restrain me from asking Mr. Kozol a question about "apartheid" on our own white-washed campus. And yes, that comment was directed to the "nice Southern women" who had in the name of rules and polite Southern etiquette who had restrained me and thus greatly angered Kozol. Yet I will also say that I left the school system in part because it did suppress me into being that person I didn't want to be--a person who was forced to live scheduled and scattered, expert and executer, not friend but foe, limited by resources, racial and religious tension, reading skills, raucous behavior and raw politics. In the case of the coup in Wilmington, much of the strategies were started and carried out by men famous for supporting Progressive Education.

As a white Christian woman, how do I respond when my race, religion and sex were used to legitimize horrendous acts of violence on the black community and to literally and figuratively emasculate and kill black men? My gut reaction is to cry, wail and throw up (which we learned in Old Testament today was much of the response in Lamentations--thus such a reaction would be appropriate). The answer of laying it on the cross of Jesus almost seems too much. "Jesus, how can you carry and forgive such sin?" Or even if Jesus can handle it, how am I expected to look at my black brother and expect him to forgive people who look like me? If the Christian Church is given the 2nd Great Commandment (according to Jesus) to "love my neighbor as myself," then how am I supposed to love myself as a white person to love my black neighbor and vice versa if correct self-love is supposed to make me rightly love my neighbor? What does this mean for feelings of black shame and white guilt?

I'm in the business and vocation of saying that Jesus is enough. And I truly think that He is, yet I can equally and justly see why others would struggle in this way. But I think the point for me is to situate myself in the sin that Jesus sits in and pays for and (as I believe) endured on the cross. Although I know Jesus is enough, I'm called to wade a little in the water, to linger, to mourn, to grieve, to feel a little of Gethsemane and Golgotha.

Yes, resurrection is coming. Hope is coming. The Kingdom of God is coming. But Jesus waited for it for three days and even made his way down to Hell before He rose in glory. He walked for a certain amount of time (yeah, I should know how long) on the Earth as a resurrected person before returning to heaven to be with the Father. He wasn't afraid to involve Himself in our junk. But he is also present in those of us who believe in Him and also sits at the right hand of the Father and actively involves broken, messed-up people in His work. He calls us righteous because He said we get to have the righteousness that He earned. In the process of making us more holy on Earth, we let go of our earthly junk and live more to the new identity that Jesus gives us: friend, new creation, beloved, righteous, holy, blameless. So how do I as a white person come to terms with the way that God made me? How can/will God redeem my whiteness and the ways my identity has been perverted by the past? How can/will He do this for other races and ethnicities that Psalm 139 says were "fearfully and wonderfully made"?

I have some ideas, but I think it is important for me to spend some time in the in-between area before I start sharing. So come, sit with me where Jesus sits. Sit with me in the brokeness. What shall we mourn over? How shall we respond?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

On Reading Amos

Over the past few days, I've been sitting in Amos. Like, stuck in Amos. Reading for OT unfortunately at times has to be fast since I am in Graduate School afterall. I have often resisted the pace, but Amos has frozen me, made me rock back and forth in my chair, has made me want to crawl under my desk and shout for mercy to God and simultaneously scream bloody murder.

When I read about injustice here, I see pictures. I see the political backlash of us fighting over who'll prayer for the nation at the Inauguration. I see us deporting the foreigner. I see us deporting and turning over people to unjust authorities or even non-authorities where they recieve much less than justice and love. I see national and natural disasters where God has tried to get our attention and we turn away to just comfort people and reassure them that God isn't angry with us and that bad stuff just happens with God playing no part. We should just forget about God and rebuild. I see New Orleans. I see our callousness to draw hatred on world leaders who we consider dangerous (yeah, read about Edom getting punished for burning an enemy king's bones and contrast that with our fascination with how we killed Sadaam Hussein and his children--not that they didn't justly need to be removed from power). I see those who have tried for years to ignore injustice lose their own jobs and power. I see whole nations losing their children and future leaders to genocide. I see us selling and traffiking people so that we can have more and more. I see us outsourcing to do this--all for the bottom line. I see where we ignore the hungry, yet go buy a new pair of shoes--which could easily feed/house someone else for days, weeks and months (depending on the geographic location).

I feel so torn up inside. How in the world have we missed these truths in our Churches?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Seriously???

So I just noticed that Rick Warren was surpassed by the first openly Gay Bishop for the inaugural prayer spot. Obama baby, this is the first time that I must say that I'm really disappointed in you.

I'm not angry that this man is a part of the ceremony, especially as it truly is a secular event for the entire nation, but what I am upset with is the flip flopping. I'm frustrated that Obama's efforts to be the President of all people has been met with reactionism. I'm frustrated that this choice and good judgement was overturned. I'm mad that people called into question his beliefs to the point that he went back on his invitation to Rick Warren, a member of the evangelical community that needed to be reached out to in hopes for reconciliation. I'm worried that this move may make him lose them. Our nation needed that. And Obama has such a good "gut feeling," resoluteness and thoroughness and strength that I'm frustrated that I can't have those leadership qualities that I want so badly.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

On Scripture

Ahhhh!! Scripture is disappearing!! No one reads the Bible anymore!

This is the battle cry of the latest essay that I have read. Although I heartily agree with some of his assessments on the effects of post-modernism and the horrendous state of education (yeah, I've witnessed that one as a school teacher), I find that I'm attentive to his fears but I see some solutions.

Having lived in Asheville, I can testify that there is a world out there that likes reading and even thrives on religion and spirituality texts (though it isn't always the Bible). Reading Rick Richardson's Evangelism Outside the Box in addition to being tutored under InterVarsity's style of evangelism and teaching, I'm also very aware that post-modernism does open doors for us to share the Gospel with people and help them to find life in the Bible.

I'll be honest. I grew up in a church that was liturgy-based, meaning that set Scriptures are read at the same time every year. I was actually quite outraged when I heard about it because it leaves out large chunks of the Bible. I have not finished reading the Bible in its entirety, but after this year in Seminary, I probably will have done so in a year. Yet the most productive way to read is slowly. There is nothing quite like ten verses or so at a time. The slowness that I've read certain books of the Bible, topical books that use exegesis and small group Bible Studies, all have made me into a person who knows their way around the Bible pretty well.

So my question is why are we not teaching these tools to people? You don't have to be a brilliant person to have the Holy Spirit reveal good stuff. But a college education helps. And this probably explains why these tools work really well for InterVarsity, a ministry that is focused on college students. But I have even taught my students the most basic skills for reading religious texts. I do also believe that if someone can read (or hear) that if they ask the right questions and wrestle with them, Scripture opens itself to interpretation. It may not always be the perfect, right or historic interpretation, but it is one that will foster growth.

I agree that we do need "experts." I'm thankful that some people get to live out their dreams studying the Bible all day and wrestling with the hard questions so that they can pass down that knowledge to those of us who are called to different things. And that is also the role of the pastor and teacher, to pass down good knowledge that God has entrusted to them.

So, I have hope for the Bible. It isn't going anywhere. We as the Church just need to use our God-given brains and the Holy Spirit to help us minister to people. Do you really think God is just going to let the Bible disappear?

Friday, January 9, 2009

All Things Belong to God

So today was my first day back at school and I've had a LOT to chew on in the past few hours.

I started New Testament with Dr. Susan Eastman today. I remember really enjoying her comments and thoughts when she spoke during Orientation and I feel that I'll continue to enjoy her. She said some really fascinating things about Scripture today. We don't exactly read Scripture well in our society today. Scripture is taking in Jesus--God's Word. And it is supposed to mess us up. If we find ourself flailing when it and our questions about it knock us off balance, we're supposed to dive right in, nose first...falling into Jesus. She argued that it is important to use a combination of techniques to really dive into Scripture well. Some of these require using the skills of a scholar, and others just fully rely on God. The prescense of the Holy Spirit and the "economy of grace" is absolutely essential to our reading. Some people only have these graciously given tools, yet others of us are privileged enough to have other tools to help us give a fuller picture of God. But without these two fundamentals, there cannot be a good biblical interpretation. Scripture, history, wisdom, people--they all belong to God.

During Old Testament, we read through 1 and 2 Kings. God is a Living God. This means that God is free to do what God wants to do. God uses prophets as messengers of what He wants to communicate, and isn't exactly a position of envy. So often we want to follow this prophetic tradition that we see in the Bible: We want to call out injustice or we have "prophetic ministries." We have to be really careful with this as clearly the Biblical tradition reveals that this is a short-lived existence, free to be moved and removed by God, often suffering and a suffering witness unto death. The life of the prophets is clearly about God.

We had a workshop today and over and over I became aware of how much needs to change within me, especially when it comes to time management. I became aware that the issue of handling life, especially life in Div School, is about calling, stewardship and spiritual discipline. All time (and all things) belong to God. This should change how I do things. Do I take time out to care for others? Do I take time to let God take care of me? How do I wisely navigate my time to better steward my time to study? Where am I being idolatrous? At what point do other things dictate my schedule other than God?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Suburban Christian: Michael Lindsay and Andy Crouch on power and privilege

I ran across this article on the issues of power and privilege (which I explored in my post called Who Does Jesus Love?) and I thought it would make a good link if you're interested. I really wouldn't be able to comment on something that Al Hsu already so wonderfully put together.
**Al Hsu, an InterVarsity guru who writes good stuff

The Suburban Christian: Michael Lindsay and Andy Crouch on power and privilege

Holiday Moviefest

So I'm beginning to see the writing on the wall: school starts back soon. It truly did fly by this year as compared to years past. But If you're still looking for movies to catch in, I'll give brief reviews of what I've seen.

1. Mama Mia

Okay, okay, I know...it's a musical. I got this one for my Mom for Christmas. Now I'll admit, I didn't like this one at all when I saw it on Broadway in NYC, but the movie gives a better backdrop to it in my opinion. So if you're not a fan of this, just check out the BEAUTIFUL film location of the Greek Islands, one of my favorite places on planet Earth. Also, I have to admit, Meryl Streep is pretty awesome in this one.

2. Lady Jane Grey

This is an oldie for sure. I checked this out this 1980s film with Helena Bonham Carter starring as the 9-15 day Queen of England during the conflicts between the Tudors. I have a specially love for the royals (though I'm not totally sure why), but to an extent they are family and played a large role in my own family coming to America. Though this movie creates a romanticized account of a true story of "one of the greatest female minds of her time" "who did not want the English crown," it is quite amazing to think how different the world may be if Lady Jane was the first female monarch rather than Queen Elizabeth.

3. Rendition

This thriller is quite thought provoking with an excellent cast. It delves deeply into the issues of torture, identity and the Patriot Act and makes you want to read the Prophets and start repenting. It also really gets to the root of the idea of "security." Where do we put our security? At what cost will we try to obtain it? And does it really make us secure? And of course the answer is that we can never truly be safe. We are our own worst enemy. In our myopia to find safety and security, we miss the dangers of what is right in front of us. Though it doesn't come out and say it, this movie does point to fundamental truths that are crucial to the Christian faith that involve issues of innocence and guilt. Although this movie does include torture scenes and violence, it has tastefully been put together (in my opinion) and it isn't gory or particularly sexually graphic--but rather proves its point without having to go there. However, it is still rated R, so don't go pick up a group of teens who won't be able to think deeply through the subject matter and watch the movie.

4. Marley & Me

This is such a great film about how pets become part of our families, no matter how weird they are. I would highly recommend this film as it is funny, virtuous, realistic, and heart warming. It is sad in the end (which the previews may not prepare you for), but it is appropriate and as a friend says, "truly completes the story and makes it meaningful." However, if you are still dealing with the loss of a pet, I wouldn't recommend going to see this movie yet, though in time it could be really healing, joyful and cathartic for you.