Say What You Need To Say

I have a thing for John Mayer. I still think he's a player, but the man has a way with words (which probably helps him to be a player). So as I've swooned over his voice, I have found that for months I've missed the importance of the words--a very frequent Jen-ism. So here is the oh-so truthful lyrics that I have lately discovered:

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say (20x)

This song annoyed me at first because of the regularity with which the chorus line was repeated. And the word "say" just seemed to be overdone, but then I realized that that was the point. I am one of those people who does not say anything. I don't raise my voice to protect myself, I don't share what I would like to say so that I or others are not hurt--but yet I always end up absorbing my own hurt from not saying what needs to be said. And as my counselor says, it is really just a lot of hard work. I love the way the song describes that inner experience--that you try to fight the world like a one-man army--which is impossible. Only David and Jesus have ever seemed to do that. I can't live like that. I need to give in and need people.

In therapy sessions I have had a lot of practice with learning to say what I need to say. And it has been quite the freeing and learning experience. But before I get there, it is just like Mayer says: you shake, you close your eyes, you speak up because if you don't you'll break your faith. But the end result of clearing the air, letting the cat out of the bag, the elephant out of the room. It is kind of like Jesus come to think of it. The freedom of the cross simultaneously pronounces our guilt and true reality while given us the relieve to see what happens next.