Wednesday, July 7, 2010

On Christian Dating

When we hear the words “Christian” Dating, we usually think of the type of dating where it is already agreed upon by a community about what you will and will not do. Of course, the focus usually seemed to be ordered towards “Christian” Marriage. There are many forms of Christian dating, some designed to be more ordered toward marriage (courtship) and some which are oriented toward trying on a variety of people and learning more deeply about other people, relationships and the self while on the way to one day finding a marriage partner. I think what all of these varieties of Christian dating have in common is that sex belongs in marriage—therefore what makes this type of dating different than most others is that both partners will not engage in sexual intercourse even though they both may desire that.

I have definitely seen the range of beliefs on this issue. Some Christians think that any physical activity from kissing, groping and non-penetrative sex is permissible. On the other hand, some believe that one should even wait to have their first kiss in from of the congregation when they get married. Now I do not condone some of what is deemed permissible in that first group.

Although I do agree that Christian dating should be ordered in a way that respects that sex is made for marriage, but I do not think that sex alone should be the consideration of what makes “Christian dating” different from “regular dating.” And if I haven’t made it clear, I think that there should be a definite different. I think what is assumed in Christian dating is that you will date someone else who is a follower of Christ, but I don’t think we fully let those implications of “Christian” impact how we date outside of the sex issue. I’m not necessarily going to prescribe what to do, but I think there are some questions we should be asking ourselves.

What does it look like to be Christian and enter into a relationship with someone else? How do we treat someone when we aren’t interested? How do we look beyond ourselves?

What does it look like once we are in the relationship? How does being Christian affect that? Do we learn patience? Do we learn forgiveness? Do we learn the value of other people? Do we get to build up another person? What do we do when we realize our own selfishness? How do we confront another’s selfishness?

And finally, the one that I don’t think we much give any attention to, but how do we act and be Christians when we are breaking up? How do we treat one another? How do we reintegrate back into Christian community? How do we orient ourselves to understanding that although the privilege of American Christianity is perhaps finding another Church or not having to run into an ex, or having the “right” to ignore the other, how do we live into the reality of that we are both members of the Kingdom of God? I think sometimes we brush off this reality by saying, “Oh, we won’t notice the other person while in heaven, so it is ok.” But what does this mean for bodily resurrection? What does this mean for the Day of Judgment?

Ultimately I think as Christians that we are supposed to look different. I think that people should feel like stopping in their tracks and saying, “Dude, what’s going on over there?” Why do they love each other like that?

1 comment:

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